Hurt
by Icky Von Yuck-Yuck
Summary: Kyle develops feelings for Stan that go beyond the immensely strong friendship they have. How will Kyle deal with them? How will everyone react? But more importantly, how will Stan react? Based from my own experiences at that age, I suck at summaries, the story's better. It's my first time writing so feedback (review, follow, favourite) is the best reward I can receive. Thanks :)
1. Truth or Dare

**NOTE:** This is my first fan fic so go easy on me! :D Give reviews though by all means PLEASE!

* * *

This story is taken and adapted from a stage that I had in my life during early secondary school. I thought I'd use the whole SP Stan-Kyle thing because I've read plenty of them and a few have really hit me.

So I thought I'd throw out my own for the lolz ;D

"Damn Kyle!" exclaimed Clyde as he gazed up in awe at the two of us, both our eyes locked in challenging anticipation.

"Well, Stan?" I asked, my smirk growing as fast as his was falling. "I'll repeat. I _dare_ you to whip it out and let us see what the big fuckin' deal is with your 'fat one!'

"Fuck off Jew, you should pick a better way of coming out to your best friend than this, fag!" Stan sneered back at me.

"Oh-ho-ho!" I retorted. "You've changed your tune! Not five minutes ago were you going on, yet again, about how 'satisfied' you left Wendy, how she 'begged for more' and now, look who's suddenly become all mouth and no trousers!"

"Shut up daywalker" Stan shot back. "I know what I'm capable of! And It's more than you are anyway!"

"So then prove it" I whispered, menacingly into Stan's ear, my grin slowly growing.

Stan's sly smirk resurfaced. "That's it! I counter-dare you to do it too!" he challenged.

I chortled. "This guy, huh Clyde? a 'counter-dare' Oh Stan. Stanny, Stanny, Stanny, Stanny..." I paused, adopting a brief expression of deep thought. "Challenge accepted" I grinned.

Once more, Stan's face fell. He hadn't counted on me accepting his pathetic attempt to weasel out of this dare and to be honest, nor did I. The fuck am I thinking? What if he actually _has_ out-grown me since the whole "TMI" fiasco four years ago? I did not feel like having my junk become the subject of gossip. I turn to Clyde. "Dude, fuck off for a bit will you?"

"God I thought you'd never ask!" He sighed in relief as he turned and made his way back toward the main field and to the others, playing a game of 'Kick the British kid' with you-know-who.

No sooner did he leave as I felt a compelling urge to go first and to get this over with. Much to Stan's dismay at my hastiness, I undid my buckle and zip. Moving my hand simultaneously I pushed down my boxers, exposing myself in all of its glory. I thought nothing of it, just whipped it out.

"Sick dude!" Stan exclaimed after a few seconds of looking. I noticed that his laughter sounded more forced than genuine. He seemed a bit off. Afraid of being seen, I hastily re-did my buckle and zipper.

"Wow" said Stan, seemingly distanced. "So that's what a ...cicurmsiled one looks like, huh?" I laughed and corrected him on his mistake and putting emphasis on the word. "Just call it 'cut'" I smiled at him which he returned.

"Ok then" I grinned, "show me what you got." Gone was the fix-everything smile again, that trademark cheeky grin.

"Ermm..." he hesitated, looking evidently nervous. "It's getting late, bells will be ringing soon." "So? What's a few seconds difference gonna do?" I retorted, expecting this.

"It's cold"

"It's summer"

"The others will come back over"

"No they wont"

"Teachers will see"

I sighed, getting tired of lame-ass excuses he was spouting and his deer-trapped-in-the-headlights look he was giving me. "Just cut the bullshit Mr Marsh, I did it now it's your turn"

"Alright" he caved in, his anxiety increasing. "But this doesn't prove jack shit, dude. Its freezing outside, fucking keep that in mind." I nodded, unusually eager.

Slowly he took off his belt, his jeans falling a few inches and exposing a tattered pair of boxers. Delicately, he pried them open to reveal the contents, like a locket with something personal inside.

I gasped and recoiled, shocked. "What the FUCK is that thing!"

What lay before me was what I could only describe as the direct opposite of my member. Small and I mean _really_ small and foreskin hanging off in excess. Certainly not the 'fat one' that he had hyped about. I couldn't help it. In moments I was bent-double laughing my ass off at the fiasco that stood infront of me. I laughed and whooped till my ribs hurt and I was gasping. As soon as I would slow down, a fresh wave of raucous laughter would posess me and I'd be back to square one.

I could see Stan put his belt back on at near lightning speed, what I couldn't see, though, was his face. Amidst some fresh laughter, I opened my eyes just enough to see a droplet of water hit the dry dirt next to Stan's shoes. I almost immediately stopped laughing and raised my face to meet his.

His face had contorted and twisted with hurt, incensed. Shaking with sobs, he looks straight at me with tears streaming and leaving their red trails in their wake along his skin. The sky blue eyes, those hurt eyes gazed into mine are magnified by the tears.

"Dude, I..." I began, horrified at the reaction I had caused but he cut me off, shoving me. Hard. "Fuck you" He sobbed, his lips trembling before turning and storming off toward the main building.

I pick myself up, half prepared to go after him enraged. Then I halted, calming down. "What the fuck did I do?!" I think to myself. "Not my fault he has a needle-dick!" Serves him right for boasting like It was God's gift or something. It was always "Wendy loves this, Wendy loves that, blah blah fucking blah!" The more I hear about him spending time with that slut the madder I get. "He deserved to be taken down a peg" I told myself aloud. "You've wanted to do this for a long time."

I stopped and looked at Stan going further and further away from me, his watery, sad eyes implanted in my head, refusing to leave me.

Why do I feel so bad for him now?

* * *

**AFTERWORD: **So... Yeah that's the first chapter I guess, let me know what you thought and if I get a decent call for it, I'll up the next chapter which is all ready to go :D


	2. Apologies and Epiphanies

The bell rings so I head over to the guys, who are now finishing up a victorious "Spit on the British kid" match with Pip congratulating them on their aim and the possibility of catching aids from Kenny, whose spit landed in his mouth.

As I steadily jog toward them all I can think about is Stan. Why?!

Kenny spots me and gives Clyde a nudge before breaking into a jog, each ensuring to step on Pip along the way.

"Well?" Kenny asked eagerly. I looked puzzled. "Well wha-" I begin before I realise. "Ohhhh, Clyde! What did you tell the horn-ball for" I laughed, knowing too well the reason behind Kenny's anticipation to hear the juicy details.

"Guys, nothing happened alright" I lied.

"That's not how I saw it" piped up Clyde, winking at Kenny knowingly.

"Yeah, come on Kyle, dish up the dirt" Kenny pleaded "before I get myself a serious case of blue balls."

"Oh guys" I laughed forcefully, "honestly I mean, come on! As if I was gonna catch an eyeful of his shlong let alone let him see mine!" This seemed to work.

"Aww" whined Kenny, looking crestfallen. I wasn't going to say anything either way if mine or his was bigger even though I did not expect what I saw. No way was I gonna hurt my best friend any more than I have done.

Agh! The guilt! It was like a black hole slowly sucking me in. The more I thought about it, the more hurt I became too for him.

"Come on, dude" I said, putting an arm around him. "Just leave it, you've plenty of juicy jerk-off material to hear from other people, just not from me alright?" The three of us laughed as Mr Higgins was making his way toward us with his usual bullshit about being late.

It wasn't until the last class that day when I finally ran into Stan, his eyes still slightly puffy which didn't make me feel any better. He made a point of ignoring me and stitting on the other side of the room, alone. The class of only ten gave me less chance to talk and more to focus. The only trouble though was I could only focus on one thing.

I replayed lunch break over and over in my head, from the proposal to play 'truth or dare' to Stan's glimmering tear-filled eyes boring holes into my soul. I felt like shit. How could I treat my best friend in the whole world like that? How could I hurt him and make him feel so small like that? I should have just backed off when he said no to begin with but I didn't. Something wanted me to keep pushing him and pushing him to do it...

I quickly moved my mind away from those thoughts, not daring to go there like I had done lately everytime I had thought about him. What I needed to focus on now is how to make Stan feel better. I leaned back in my chair so It touched the wall behind me. Normally we would fight, then talk then be ok but this time seemed different. I just wanted to hug him and tell him how sorry I was, tell him that I'd do anything to take back what happened. There they were again! These thoughts that seem to niggle their way past everything else. They terrified me how I could not control them.

After some deliberation I allowed myself to look, and I mean _really_ look at him. He is good looking, I slowly admitted to myself. A real ladies man! Even if only thirteen. The back of his brown leather jacket shone, reflecting the sunlight venturing in from the window next to him. The same hat that I have ever seen him wear sat on his head, the red poof-ball sitting atop, like a cherry on top of a hot fudge sundae and under it, a patch of Stan's hair was uncovered. His soft chocolate brown, silky...

-CRASH!-

"Well, that's one way to break thoughts!" I thought to myself as laughter filled the room directed at me, now on the floor, the chair now broken at the back legs after leaning so far back on it. Gotta stop thinking like this, it's gonna fuck me up!

My heart sank as I saw Stan looking at me, hurt still seeping from his flat expression. I wanted him to laugh at me, to sneer. At least that way I would feel a little better. God! Could this last class drag on any longer! I have a friend to save, never mind fucking coordinate geometry!

"Stan" I call after him, noticing how he made sure to leave well before I did, deliberately avoiding me. No chance! No way was I gonna let a penis ruin a friendship like ours. He ignores me so I speed up, unwilling to call quits on him, relentless in my attempt to apologise.

"Hey, wait!" I call after him. Still pays no heed. "Dude, please!" I beg as I catch up along beside him. "Give me a chance, lets talk about this!" He abrutly stops, gazing at me, tears start to well up again. I think of what to say, desperately wracking my brains trying to find something good, something comforting. His eyes are looking straight at me, _in_ to me. God, they're so fucking beautiful.

Before I know what I'm doing, my arms open and I embrace him. It takes a few seconds for him to respond but he does, gently wrapping his arms around me and burying his face into my shoulder. His warm tears soak my sweater and I let them. A wave of warmth rushes over me despite the air being a lot colder than before. I hold Stan close to me, letting actions speak louder than words on how sorry I was, letting these strange new feelings wash over me, alien but welcome.

After what seemed like an eternity, I whisper into Stan's ear, almost touching it with my lips.

"I'm so sorry I hurt you. You are my best friend in the whole wide world. I care about you so much and I feel like shit for making you feel bad. Can you please forgive me?"

"Forgive you?" Stan repeated, smiling. "Does this answer your question?" and he gently wraps his arms around me again but not before slowly planting a soft kiss onto my forhead. I freeze, my heart starts to race, my knees start to shake. Did he just kiss me!?

Despite the shock of it, I melt to his touch faster than a mars bar in a back jean pocket on an overcrowded train in Mumbai.

He eventually breaks off, smiling. "Come on Jew, lets go to my place and watch some shit." I am still rooted to the spot however as reality crashes all around me.

I have a crush on my best friend Stan.

* * *

**AFTERWORD: **And there's the second chapter, hope you enjoyed it. I'm happier with this one than the previous one.

Stick around for the next one, although I think it may push the rating up to an M (if you know what I mean)

Once again, please review and rate etc. Thaaaaanks!


	3. Porno

**NOTE: **Here we are at chapter three. As I said before, I am drawing this story from personal experiences. This chapter was the easiest to write so far hehehe.

Thanks for the reviews guys! I don't think this is too bad for my first try but I know I have a lot to learn.

Enjoy!

Sharon had asked me last month to call her by her first name but that took some getting used to. "Hi Miss, er.. Sharon" I smile as I follow Stan up the stairs to his room. "Hi Kyle" she replied, not lifting her head up from the vacuum cleaner.

Stan. It was so obvious and plain to see now. I never had any luck with dating girls. Sure, I could talk my ass off but it never went any further. I always told myself that my time would come but not once did I ever think that maybe I 'play for the other team' as they say.

The thought of being... gay repulses me as I turn the corner on the staircase, the fresh clean carpet tickling in between my toes. But it doesn't repulse me when I think of Stan. All those times when we would sit next to eachother on the bus listening to Coldplay. He would rest his head against mine. Or when I would want to rest mine against him and he would run his fingers through my scarlet curls and it just felt... right, you know? It's not like I lusted after him then, I just felt warm and fuzzy inside. I felt safe and welcome.

Now though after what happened today, when thoughts became actions, I can see everything in a new light. "I love him" I think to myself. "I actually fucking love him!"

He collapses onto his bed, his room a usual mess and I sit next to him, wondering what to say.

"I really am sorry, dude." I put my arm around his shoulder.

"Forget it" He responds, putting an arm around me too, I had turned into jelly again. "It's not your fault i've a fucked up cock" he croaked. My heart ached for him on these words.

"No! I shouldn't have reacted like that or put you in that position" I consoled, squeezing him tighter as tears began to well up in his blue orbs. "You're only fourteen dude you've got plenty of time to grow, it doesn't matter what your dick looks like"

"Yeah, grow OUT more like!" He laughs and I join him, welcoming back the Stan I know and now... love. The Stan full of life and happiness. "Forget about it Ky, I'm not gonna let a fucking wang ruin our friendship".

"Exactly" I beamed at him, laughing whilst picking up the remote. "Now let's stick on some Cartoon Network, I'm feeling nostalgic."

We laugh together as we watch the 'oldies marathon' on the TV with plenty of our favourite; 'Ed, Edd n Eddy' and 'Fosters'. God, what a shithole CN has turned into now. Stan barely moves an inch in my arms as we lay there in near silence. Pure bliss. I was about to ring home but I remebered there's no need. My parents see Stan's house as a second home and vice-versa. He lives at my place, I live at his.

I was awakened from a near snoozing state by a combination of orange soda and the work of mother nature, that bitch.

"Dude, let me up" I murmur as I head for the bathroom.

"Take it slowly" I thought to myself. I had no experience in any of this 'relationship' business but I knew that much at least. Start off slowly and work your way up. I didn't even know if he felt the same way yet. Things were going well with Miss Testicle Burger and him but I could always try, I can make the most of the cuddling and our unbreakable friendship we have at the moment but I wont push things and lose him completely. I couldn't bear that.

My chain of thoughts are interrupted by a loud moaning from Stan's room, it was a womans, it quickly quietens down. I pull up my zipper, not bothering with the belt as I rush in to the room to see Stan frantically turning the volume down on his TV.

"Dude!" I laughed in surprise as the porno continued on to a new one, laughing even harder at Stan desperately gesturing me to close and lock the door. I complied. He calmed down afterward, returning to his bed.

Taking a few backward steps from the TV toward the bed, the first thing I notice is how stereotypical the movie is, guy walks over to sunbathing girl, girl is topless, need I go on. The second thing was the cheesy music that played throughout, typical. It made me laugh.

"What?" I look at Stan, who has made himself comfy on the bed, lying on his belly with his feet in the air behind him.

"The music" I replied, still snickering. His eyebrows furrow in confusion. "It's sooo cheesy".

"Yeah I know. Still, it's good stuff."

I half-gaze at him half-casually watch the opening credits. A grin forms on his face.

"You horny fucker" I giggled at him, transfixed on the screen. I hid my expression. I hadn't watched stuff like this with a friend before and even then I never... you know... _did_ anything, just watched. I think Stan knew this. His smile broadens in response to the girl unclipping her bra. He's totally hooked.

I lie next to him in an identical position. After a while, we both ignore the video because it was too busy trying to have a plot with the sunbather and the guy, what they were doing before etc. So we began thumbing through gaming magazines. I resisted the urge to burst out laughing at the girl and her friends on the tape. Fake hair color, fake tans, fake boobs. They were like a gaggle of barbie dolls and Ken off in the distance, perving.

"It's a wonder the heat from the sun doesn't melt them!" Stan chuckles, reading my mind. "These are exactly the kind of chicks that people like Kenny get off on."

"Kenny gets off on every_thing_ and every_one_. He has no standards, a pure hornball!"

Things begin to get going onscreen and soft moans emmitted from the TV. They had now moved indoors to 'apply lotion' as the sunbather puts it. We both watch, Stan more attentative than I, his eyes widen in excitement at the screen.

I'm interrupeted by movement on the bed. I turn to Stan and I freeze, going completely numb at what I am seeing. He arches his back to allow himself room as he unclips his belt...

Is this happening?

Belt's off, now the zipper...

Is Stan going to... right in front of me?!

He allows his jeans to slip down, then his boxers to just above his knees, exposing his bare ass and his... his...

WOW!

I stifle a gasp at Stan's nakedness. He was right, it really must have been cold earlier. I may outsize him when soft but _now?_ He well and truly leaves me in the dust in the solid department.

I repeat to myself what I said in the bathroom. Take it slow, don't jump into his pants. I may as well have been a blind man telling myself to walk perfectly along a line drawn infront of him.

And thankfully, I was _not _blind.

Stan refuses to turn over and instead he begins to slowly move his hips up and down the bed. I watch, totally transfixed by his masturbation technique as his buttocks clench and unclench. All blood seems to rush from my body and relocates itself to below the belt as I feel myself stiffening, _everywhere_. His movements are like he's screwing Wendy. "No" I told myself silently. "It's like he's screwing _me"._

With this tantalizing idea fresh in my mind, I find myself absent-mindedly palming the now solid bulge that I had, slow and hard whilst feeling the bed shake under his rhythmic thrusts which are getting stronger and quicker. His clenched moans and grunts become more louder as he humps the bed, naked. He arches himself higher so I can see, perfectly the curves on his naked ass. I couldn't breathe!

Still staring hungrily, my hands had now grown minds of their own as I take hold of myself, my other hand slowly pulling down my jeans and my boxers while still gazing at the boy next to me as his rhythmic grunts and moans increase. Unsure of what to do, I clasp it with one hand and rub. It feels good but it can't be as good as what Stan is feeling. What am I doing wrong?

I make an attempt to copy him, I notice his eyes briefly meet mine before he finally finishes with a moan close to a scream through clenched teeth, squeezing hold of the covers below him before collapsing into them, his cheeks red, his eyes half closed, the ear-to-ear grin dominating his face.

I try frantically to keep up my pathetic attempt at getting off but its doing no good. I'm not feeling what he did, not reacting like he did. Stan looks over reading my mind in that uncanny way that he does and I swear I nearly faint at his next words.

"Turn over" he whispered gently.

"What?" I squeaked, quivering. I must have misheard, there was no way he was about to actually-

"Turn over Ky" he repeated. "It's more comfortable this way. Let me show you how to do it right."

A wave of excitement crashes over me and I feel like I'm going to be sick. He slowly approaches me on the other side of the bed, not bothering to pull up his trousers or even to clean himself. He was dirty, and I liked it. His t-shirt hangs just above his hardness. I gaze at his cock in amazement. How I didn't reach out and grab him at that moment or confess my feelings for him right there and then I'll never know. He notices my interest, smiling.

"See, told you I had a big one" he grins looking down at himself like it was a prize trophy. It was certainly a prize anyway and he had shared it with me today in his room...

I turn over, anticipation crushing my entire body,

My mouth foaming!

My eyes widening and bulging!

My heart bouncing off my ribcage like a prisoner!

Then that's when it happened, the greatest moment of my life. A loud gasp erupts from my lips as Stan touches me. He laughs at my reaction.

"It's ok, we're both guys here" he said "Calm down cowboy, let me show you how to ride."

I was too deeply into what was happening to care about that corny, laughable line. Speechless, I let Stan clasp hold of me and begin to massage my loins. I was so scared, but I wanted it more than anything. I wanted my best friend to show me this new thing to me. This unexplored, terrifying dark but delicious corner of my body that I refused to venture too. His movements had me in a trance.

Grabbing handful after handful of the bedcovers I twist, writhe and groan to his touch, the fact that it was _his _hands touching me was nearly enough to send me over the egde. I couldn't last long. After a few minutes I turned my face toward him, gazing into his beautiful deep blue eyes. They were blazing with something I have never seen before as he gazed into mine. I had just enough time to move my glance down to his loins which were now reanimated and pulsating furiously in excitement at what he was doing before _it _happened.

"Stan, Stan, STAN!-"

I almost scream, as I climax, allowing the eruptions and wave after wave of pure ecstasy to wash over me from head to toe. All my other senses abandon me. I nearly go blind and deaf as all that remains is touch. And Stan, touching _me_.

It all courses relentlessly through my body before I am slowly left to drift back down to earth on a cloud of pure post-orgasmic bliss.

My eyes roll to the back of my head and I allow my eyelids to flutter shut for the night. Powerless to resist more of his touches, I allowed Stan to lovingly wipe me down before eventually draping the covers over my naked body.I smile and quiver for what seems like hours afterwards but I am far from cold.

Stan and sex have now become one

and Stan has become a part of me.

**Afterword: **Don't get used to all this love and steaminess, trouble is brewing!

Once again, please R&R! Thanks


	4. Hero

**Please give a review guys, let me know how I am doing. Thanks and enjoy**

I awoke next morning, smiling as the night before flooded back to me and reached my arm out for Stan, only to feel the cold sheets where he must have left some time ago. Throwing on the clothes I had yesterday I thought about last night. Shit, that was way too much too quickly. I shouldn't have gotten carried away like that. Then again I technically _did_ nothing so what was I worrying about?

I smiled as the thought washed over me; Stan touched me. He actually _touched _me!

If it had been anybody else I would have been repulsed or more reluctant to go where we went last night but I think that, because it was Stan, my absolute best friend in the world which I had recently grown feelings for, it was more than ok with me. There was no way he could not be feeling the same way, not when he had opened this can of worms the way he did last night!

"Hey..." Stan greeted hesitantly, flipping over a slice of French toast, his expression had fallen, I gave him a puzzled look.

"Is that Kyle?" came a squeaky sing-song voice from further into the kitchen. I couldn't have guessed it to have been anyone else even if I tried. "Hi Wendy"

"Wow you sleep in for ages! It's eleven-thirty you lazy ass, what the fuck did you do last night to get yourself so tired?" she giggled.

"Shut it, bitch and eat your toast" said Stan, handing her the slice and playfully nuzzling into her cheek. He shot me a warning look after, a 'don't-you-dare-answer-that' look and I nodded obediently.

I smiled to myself. God, this had become so real in the past twenty four hours! Now we were the secret couple, fooling around in secret. Part of me wanted Stan to come clean straight away but another part wanted it to stay like this for a while. It felt so naughty but fun.

...

"Hahahahahaa!" roared Cartman as he saw me walk through the gates. "Hey Jew! Truth or dare?" Oh God, I was half expecting this at some point, even the smallest amount of scandal would catch on like wild-fire in this place.

"Don't answer that, TRUTH!" he cried out dramatically. "Give over, fat-ass" I sighed, he ignored me and quietened down allowing his voice to become calm and maliciously evil. "*ahem*-why the _fuck _did you dare one 'Stanley Marsh' of 32511 Bonanza Creek to expose to you: 'Kyle Jew-rat Broflovski' his genitalia yesterday behind the gym at approximately 1:45pm?"

A small crowd, overhearing the commotion had started to gather around the two of us as Cartman stared daggers, a twisted grin forming on his lips. He repeated, adding emphasis on each word.

Oh fuck! I start to sweat. I can't deal with crowds. Their numbers seem to multiply despite there only being a few. My mouth turns to sand. I can't let Cartman see my weakness, he'll be all over it like a cupcake. I'll never live this down!

"Because he's sick of your hermaphrodite-mother's! Fuck, we _all _are!" came a voice from the small group of people. I whirled around. There he was in all of his glory. Stan's insult had sent the group into stitches laughing. Cartman's smirk faded, his cheeks turned the same crimson as his jacket. "Fuck you and your Jew butt-buddy, fags!" he snarled as he stormed off. My strength returned and I grinned as the crowd dispersed, going to lockers and classes, leaving Stan alone.

"Stan." The name rolls off my tounge like a delicacy. I melt inside as he smiles at me.

_I'm three years old._

"_Keep up Boobolah, you'll get lost out here! We have to wait while your father goes to the hardware store while the sale is on." I barely hear or notice my mother over all the noise of all the people in the newly opened South Park mall. There's so many cool things here! I gaze around in awe at the colourful stalls, the toy stores, the food court and the insane crowds of people as mom drags me along to shop after shop to buy stuff for our new home. It had been my first trip to somewhere like this in my life and I was loving it!_

"_Toy store! Toy store!" I cry out defiantly as my mother moves onto yet another boring shop. "Later, sweetie" she soothes "I need to pick up some lamps and doilies for our bedroom." "But-" I begin in protest. "No Kyle, now be a good boy or we wont go there at all" she shut me down, I sulk in protest._

_The temptation proved to be too much for me to handle as I saw a group of kids my age run into the store. Itching to join them, I waited till my mom's back was turned then darted off in amongst the crowd and into heaven. _

_My mom had never let me into a place like this on my own before but I didn't care I was having too much fun with all the demo toys and the free samples left out for kids so that they would hang out of their parents begging them to buy a proper one. I noticed a boy on one end of the toy store, pulling desperately at a larger-than-life statue of the newest megaman and calling to his mother. His voice was muffled by the bright orange parka hoodie as the statue he was tugging swayed back and forth ominously._

"_But moooom! The-megaman-red-white-and-blue-edition-action-figure-is-on-sale-and-it's-a-limited-edition-model-only-available-for-the-fourth-of-July-holiday-and-I've-gotta-get-one-before-my-friends-so-they'll-think-I'm-cooooooool!" Came a long whine from a rather plump looking boy dressed in crips brown pants and a bright red jacket. A voice, little did I know, that I would become horribly familiar with over time._

"_Butters if you ask for one more toy, you're grounded, mister! A stern looking man roared at his son who looked down at his feet, twiddling his thumbs. "Oh... Alright then..." he replied quietly._

_I left the store with a free toy that they were handing out inside, I was so preoccupied with it that I had no idea where I was going and I barely noticed the large crash and the screams of "Oh my God! Kenny!" That fat kid from the store bumped into me hard, knocking the plastic hero out of my hands before promptly picking it up, sneering at me, then walking off briskly to catch up with his mother._

"_Hey!" I shouted. "Give that back!" He turned his nose up at me, ignoring me and proceeded to play with my toy as I tried in vain to push past the crowds of people. I felt my face go red as tears welled up behind my eyes. I don't know who that kid is but he's a fucking fat asshole and I hate his guts!_

_I wiped my eyes as I looked up before I realised my situation, I couldn't find my mom. I began to walk briskly, bumping into people and struggling to make my way through the monstrous crowds of grown-ups towering over me like a moving, bustling forest. Panic quickly set in, tears rolled more frequently down my cheeks and I found it hard to breathe. I began to feel dizzy and white spots appeared in my eyes as more and more people swamped me, completely ignorant of my cries for "mommy!". _

_I half sat-half fainted in a relatively empty spot in between the sausage & cheese cart and the orange soda stall and was bawling my eyes out when I heard it. It was soft voice, almost a whisper, yet it was clearly audible through the din._

"_Don't cry."_

_I looked up, the tears in my eyes turning the mall into a kaleidoscope of colours. The small figure infront of me handed me a warm hankerchief and I wiped the tears away so I could see again._

_The sunlight cast an eerie, almost heavenly glow over the small boys smiling face as he held out his hand to help me up off the floor, his other holding onto a brand new wooly hat by its poofball. _

It's amazing the way that even ten years later, he is still able to make me feel as safe as I felt that day in the mall. I smile back at him.


	5. Denial

**Keep on reviewin'!**

* * *

I gaze at Stan while Garrison goes on and on about Game of fucking Thrones. In a _geography _class! What the hell is up with this guy? He can't seem to leave our class alone. We have had him since third grade and somehow he has managed to be landed with us one way or another ever since. I swear he does this shit on purpose.

I dont care though, my mind is totally caught up on the guy to my left. It's odd how I've never noticed before just how fucking HOT Stan is! I steal glance after glance before I become totally trapped by him, like a lovesick schoolgirl.

I hear muffled laughter to my right. It's Kenny. He's looking at me in an odd way. A smirk etched onto his features.

"What?"

"Nothin'!" He whispers back, his face says otherwise.

"Dude, what?"

"Oh dude, come on!" He caved in, "You know well what!"

"What?!"

"I'm not blind, I notice things..." I furrow my eyebrows at him before it dawns on me. Of course.

"...Like how you've been stripping Stan with your eyes since we got in here" he finished, grinning at me and exposing his semi-crooked but pearly whites. It's been a year or so since he hung up the classic parka hoodie he was known around South Park for but it was still odd both seeing and hearing him properly. A welcome change though.

I instinctively switch to the defensive. I mean, I trust Kenny almost as much as Stan but I'm not quite ready to 'come out' yet, as they say.

"Dude, don't be retarded, I don't walk on that side of the street" I say, laughing it off.

"There's no shame in that, Kyle" Kenny replys sincerely. "I understand if you don't want to talk about it, Butters doesn't want me to..." his voice trails off and I stare at him incredulously.

"You and Butters are...?" He nods slowly, his eyes darting around the room as if to check for any eavesdroppers. "Fuck! You weren't meant to know that yet. Pleeeeease keep it on the down low! He's not ready to be open about it yet and I promised him I..."

"Sshhh" I whispered, calming him down. "It's okay, I totally understand. I wont say anything about you guys..." I hesitated. "...and you don't say anything about me and Stan, kay?"

Kennys expression of panic slowly faded to be replaced by a widening grin. "So there _is _something between you guys! I fucking knew it!" My mind went cold as a few things clicked into place. He did not... did he?

"Dude! I was just fucking with you about Butters! In my dreams we would be together! But you and Stan though... _fuck!_" I felt my face go red. That little son of a bitch! He just tricked me into coming out. I buried my head into my crossed arms as he went on in a whispering flurry.

"You little hornballs! I knew it, I've got a fuckin sixth sense about these things I should do counselling or some shit. I mean it was so obvious! You haven't exactly been the ladies man and you and Stan may as well be in a relationship the way you're always together. Oh God! Give me the juicy bits! Who's on top? It's Stan isn't it? I mean, no offence, but I'd see you as the bitch in a fuck with a guy, or maybe it's you? Maybe.."

"Dude!" I almost shout as I cut him off mid-sentence. This attracts some attention but not Garrison and, thankfully, not Stan or Cartman. I felt like crawling into a hole at this stage to escape the embarrasment. "We haven't even gotten that far yet, it's just started a day ago and it's none of your business..." I fade out, fighting a lump in my throat.

"You can be a real asshole sometimes Kenny" I croak, "I didn't want to tell anyone yet and then you go and fucking trick me and..."

"Hey, hey, hey!" It was his turn to calm me down. "On my life, on our friendship, this will go absolutely no further than the two of us." He looked me dead in the eye and I knew he meant it. "Thanks pal" I smile at him as the bell finally knells both the class and the awkward situation to a close.

...

I rustled around loose papers in my locker as I searched for anything I needed to take home for the weekend. My mind however was on other things, that seemed to happen a lot lately.

Contrary to what I would imagine 'coming out' to feel like, I was pleasently surprised at how good I felt. I mean, I was upset that Kenny had weasled around me like he did but I actually felt good about it overall. It was like those pamphlets in the nurses office say, it felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders and I could actually talk to someone that I trust, even though I had no intention of discussing any form of a love life with fucking Kenny Mc_Horn_mick, it still felt good to know that I could. Things really were going well for me right now. I smiled to myself.

I had decided to walk home with Stan so we could talk about _us_ when I felt a thud against the locker beside me and my heart sank. There was Stan and Wendy, arms locked and kissing fervourously against the lockers. I almost felt sick watching that bitch kiss him but I calmed myself. It's only to keep up appearances I thought to myself as I turned away, my face burning.

After what seemed like hours of making myself look preoccupied with the contents of my locker, the two finally broke apart. "Later, babe!" said Stan, slapping Wendy's ass as she left making her squeal. "Bye Stan!" Now was my chance to properly talk to him for the first time today since _it _happened.

"Get any homework today?" Stan asked me casually.

"Not much" I replied, just the usual maths and history bullshit. What about you?

"Nada!" said Stan beaming. "I have a free weekend I can use for football practice, fuckin-A!" I smiled back at him as we left the school for the weekend ahead and turned onto Peach Creek, silently willing him to drop the small-talk so we can talk about other things.

"Oh yeah, sorry about kinda crashing into you earlier with Wendy" he laughed. "I was on my way over to you to walk home and she just pounced on me, you know what she's like.

I smiled.

"Yeah dude, It's cool. I know you have to keep up appearances and all that stuff."

"What?"

"You know, still make it look like you love Wendy so nobody will suspect anything about us"

"What do you mean?"

"You know" I say hesitantly, confused by Stan's lack of knowledge on what I'm referring to. "Us... being _together _and all that."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Stan started stopping me in my tracks. His eyebrows furrow in confusion.

"_Us?_ There is no_ us _dude, what the fuck are you talking about?"

Every part of my body freezes as I stare at him incredulously, unable to comprehend what I'm hearing. "You're kidding, right?" He must be joking.

"Dude, where are you getting this from? What gave you this idea?" he laughs heartily. I don't find it as funny.

"Oh, I don't know, _Stan!" _I snarl, finding it more and more difficult to hold back the anger in my voice. "Maybe it was when you touched me last night!" The colour from his face vanished.

"I was just showing you what to do. he said, "that doesn't mean that I... that there's an _us!"_

"What does it mean then?" I practically shout at him, my face going redder and redder, my eyes burning white hot. I win the battle of holding back the tears, for now. "Fucking tell me because last time I checked, a guy _jerking off _another guy fucking means _something_ Stan! You're obviously afraid of what that is!"

"Dude, we were just watching porn! I was jerking off and you didnt know what to do so I showed you! It was perfectly natural! Where the fuck did you pull all this bullcrap from?" his calm voice had turned to shouting but I didn't care, I was too blinded by my own anger. I just wanted to hurt him. How could he be so blind? So stupid?

"You jacked off in front of me AND you do it _to_ me and you wonder where this 'bullcrap' comes from? You did it like it was NATURAL! What, did you picture me as Wendy? Did that make it better for you? Come on and just admit the truth already, admit that it's really Wendy that you've been picturing all along as _me_!"

I froze, realising what I had said. Stan took several paces till his nose almost touched mine, flaring. His eyes blazed with anger, his voice was filled with a rage I had never heard from him in all my life.

"Listen to me you fucking _fag!_ I'm not like you. there's nothing between us. Do you hear me? _Nothing!" _I am stunned into silence as Stan continues on his rampage. "What happened last night was a bit of fun but I fucking regret it now because its given you the wrong idea you deluded, sex-deprived LOSER!" He roared, putting emphasis on the last four words, ensuring they did their damage. He paused for only a second before delivering the killing blow; "I love Wendy, do you fucking _get _me?! NOT YOU! FREAK!" He bellowed. With that, he turned around and stormed off, leaving a fresh trail of footprints in his wake.

...

"_I'm Stan" the boy says, shaking my hand once I was pulled to my feet._

_I sniffle, wiping away the rest of my tears, "I'm Kyle."_

"_Are you lost?" He asks me, his eyes wide with concern. I nod and he smiles._

"_Don't worry, I get lost in places all the time. My mommy told me what to do after I got lost in here the first time. You have to stay calm and go to the something-server..."_

"_Customer Services" I corrected him._

"_Wow, you're smart Kyle" Stan beamed at me. I returned a smile, warmly. "Okay, let's go" he said, leading the way toward the crowds, the endless seas of people. I whimper as a tall, balding man holding a hand puppet bumps into me._

"_Hey! Watch where your going, kid!" he protests before moving along. I feel a familiar warmth clasp my hand._

"_It's okay, I'll protect you" said Stan, noticing the fear in my face. I felt it no more as he lead me through the throngs of shoppers, toward a desk and a familiar looking figure._

"_Kyle!" mom and dad shrieked as they saw Stan lead me up to them. They ran over to me and gripped me in a firm hug._

"_Oh Kyle, sweetie!" mom sobbed, "don't you ever, EVER run off on us like that" dad said firmly before releasing me. "Thankyou so much young man, that was very brave of you" he said turning to Stan._

"_That's ok, mister" Stan cheerfully replied. "Kyle's smart, he knew where to go." _

_I blushed as I grinned at my new friend. "Thanks Stan"_

"_Bye, dude!" He waved as we left the store. We never stopped looking at eachother for as long as it took for Stan to go out of sight. _

_On the way out, I couldn't help but notice how much more afraid of the crowds I was with my parents than with Stan. It felt odd, like a numbness. Almost as if I had lost a part of me. _

Like in the mall, I never stopped looking at Stan for as long as it took for him to go out of sight. Amongst the cocktail of hurt, misery, confusion and sadness from what had just transpired, my world began to fall apart and that same feeling from a decade ago resurfaced.

Numbness.

* * *

**Like I said before, this story draws, in part, from earlier childhood experiences at this age so this chapter was the hardest for me to write so far.**

**I'm on a bit of a writing streak here so may have the next chapter up quite soon whilst its fresh in my head.**


	6. Hidden Concern

**Have decided It will be better to use Kenny as an outside viewer on unfolding events from time-to-time, this should make for a better story. He may get involved in other stuff too ;)**

**Thanks and don't forget to review/follow or whatever! :D**

* * *

**Kenny's POV**

It's been nearly two weeks since I got Kyle to come out to me. Yeah, I felt like a dick for a while for tricking him like I did but I did him a favour in the long run. He had someone to talk to about being gay.

That is, if he would talk _at all_.

I sat in my usual spot for Maths, noticing his absence for the twelvth day in a row. I pulled out my phone, clicking the 'messages' button hoping for something, _anything _from him. Even if it was just one word my mind would be put to rest but nope. Nada.

"He's getting better, Kenny" Sheila would say like clockwork anytime I would call round or bump into her on the street. "You'll see him as soon as he gets better from this horrible flu! No one can see him till then" and so on. Yeah, fair enough he could be sick or whatever but that doesn't explain the lack of a response to my endless stream of texts and attempted calls. Even when Kyle is sick he _never_ shuts himself from the outside world. There's a lot more to this.

"Fuck" I groan to myself as I realise that this class is a double, not a chance in hell I'm sitting on my own for it. I look around the room, seats are filling fast. Bingo, there's a free spot next to Stan. Exactly the guy I was hoping for.

"Hey dude!" I smile warmly as I park myself down next to Stan. "There's no fucking way I am sitting down the back like a freaking _Melvin _for a double maths class!" I continue as He gazes down at his phone, evidently distracted by something.

"Err, yo!" I poke Stan as he continues to stare at his phone, I had just enough time to see what was on it before he was aware of me next to him and shut it off. A blank messages window with 'Kyle B.' across the top.

"Oh!" he said, putting away his phone. "Didn't notice you there Ken, I was just busy waiting for a text-from Wendy" he quickly added. I was starting to get a few suspicions lately that Stan may know something. I remembered my promise to Kyle though and planned my conversation carefully. Need to move carefully.

"So how are things with her anyway?" I ask casually.

"Going good, going _real_ good actually. She's putting out for me more, we did some... you know" he paused, I nodded in understanding.

"Atta boy Stanny!" I smile, patting him heartily on the back.

"Thanks. Anyways, yeah things are going well and she's been hinting at me actually spending the night over at hers next week! With nobody else there!" he beamed at me.

"You'd better call me before, I wanna watch!" I chuckle. "Mr. Ladies man, Stan Marsh, losing his virginity at fourteen! _Fourteen_! That's fucking insane dude!"

"That's right, Kenny!" came Garrisson's voice from the front. "Robb Stark _did _lose his virginity at fourteen! I'm glad to see some of you are paying attention to the second season." I sighed, rolling my eyes as he continued on like a derailed train that won't stop. I'm pulled away by vibration in my pocket.

Kyle!

Pulling out my phone, I hungrily read into my messages. 'Congratulations, sir! You have been chosen to be the recipent of a visa so you can-' ugh! I groaned, defeated as I put my phone away.

"Kyle was it?" asked Stan, casually.

"No, just some bullshit spam, I'll block it later" I replied, turning to face him. Although he sounded unconcerned, his face told a different story. His eyes were clearly wider than before, his lips looked somewhat dryer too if that was possible. I can tell these things a mile away, I did it with Kyle. I dunno what it was, something about him just made him look worried but desperate to hide it. Now was a good time to move onto Kyle.

"What's up with him anyway?" I ask, taking extra care not to even go near what Kyle had told me about himself and Stan.

"Dunno" he shrugged blankly.

"Dunno?" I repeated "Dude, he's your best friend, your _very _best friend. Do you not have any idea what's wrong with him?"

"No" he replied flatly, I can tell he's starting to get moody "and so what if he is? That doesn't mean I have to fucking take down records of a little flu that-"

"Oh come on!" I snap "You don't _actually_ believe that the flu is what's wrong with him do you? He hasn't made any contact at all, he looked fine when we last saw him. Come to think of it, last I remember he already _caught _the fucking flu a few months ago!"

"Dude" said Stan angrily putting up a hand "I'm not his fucking babysitter alright? He's a big guy now and he can take care of it himself, I don't fucking _care _what's wrong with him to be perfectly fucking honest!"

"Oh yeah?" I retort "well staring at your phone waiting for a message from him says otherwise, Stan!"

"Fuck you Kenny, I don't need to listen to your shit!" Stan snarled, turning away. His face had turned a shade of red that would adequately match the plastic chair beneath him. About a minute later, he got up and stormed off out the door, yelling "Bathroom!" at Garrison as he left. He never came back for the rest of that double.

...

"Fucking dickhole" I murmur to myself as I get my usual defrosted waffle out of my locker for lunch. What the fuck is his problem anyways? I was _this _close to bringing up what I really thought Kyle being away was all about but that promise I made to him stopped me. I would never do that to as good a friend as him.

God, Stan had turned into such an asshole lately to everyone, it was almost like that whole 'shit' incident back when we all first fell in love with dubstep!

I assumed Stan had skipped the rest of the day as I hadn't seen him anywhere in the school. Not the cafeteria, the toilets or the yard. Lucky enough for him, I was in a state of hitting him at the moment. A routine game of 'soccer' with the British kid will take my mind off this whole shitty mess. Someone had apparently heard that thought.

"Hey, Kenny? We're gonna play with Pip, you want in?"

"Yeah sure, gimme a sec, Craig!" I call over to him as I jog off to the bathroom. I decided to go use the older bathroom as its nearly always empty and its never crowded like the newer one, a much more peaceful place to relieve certain... movements.

As I approach the rusting door, I'm greeted by the sound of rushing water

and of sobbing. Heavy, dry sobs.

I reluctantly creak the door open and peer inside. I am greeted by a puddle of water mingled with something else. It's subtle, there's not a lot of it but the tinge is unmistakeable against the dirty white tiles.

Blood.

Mine turns cold.

I crash in through the door, nearly twisting my ankle in the process as I run past the stalls before reaching the sinks; the source of the water and slumped against the wall; the source of the crying.

I clasp both hands over my mouth before letting out a stifled scream.


	7. Waterfall

**Review, Favourite, Follow. **

**You know, the usual shtuff :D**

My mind went numb, unable to comprehend what I was seeing. I could feel every hair standing on end as I gazed for a few seconds at the sobbing, wet and bloody wreck slumped against the wall. The faucet was turned on full blast and the sink was overflowing onto his head like some sort of fucked up shower, blood leaked from his sleeves and mixed in with the water.

He was in such a state.

Reacting quickly, I pulled back the soppy sleeves of his leather jacket to reveal the source of the blood. I gasped at the multitude of lacerations on his wrists like a pattern, quickly pulling myself together and yanking the loose razor blade from his hand and throwing it to the other end of the room. Turning his wrists over in my palms, I can tell the cuts aren't deep enough to do any damage except bleed lightly. Thank fucking _God_.

He drags his head upwards and look at me.

His sapphire-blue eyes are filled with such a profound sadness that I didn't even believe was possible. He lets out a fresh sob and his face crumples. "Oh Stan" I hear myself whimper as my arms wrap around him, pulling him into a gentle, soothing embrace. I let him sink into me as his tears mingle with mine.

...

We sit like this for a while, my shirt hungrily absorbing the tears and water, becoming drenched. Luckily nobody came in, I wouldn't even begin knowing where to explain what was going on nor would I want to.

I fought against the urge to tell him that I knew what was going on between him and Kyle, hopefully it would lead to the reason he's been away for so long.

Fortunately, he made the first move.

"I-I'm so fucking stupid, Kenny" he croaks after some time. "It's my fault, It's all my fault."

"It can't be that bad" I soothe "what happened?"

"We had a fight, Ken" he sobs. "Can you believe it? Me and Kyle actually had a fucking _fight_."

I stroke his hair as I picture what the fight was more than likely about. I almost knew straight away but I asked anyway, I needed to hear it from Stan.

"I... I can't say" he hesitated. I expected this.

"It's cool dude, if you don't wanna tell me yet that's fine by me."

"Thanks man, it's just... It's just..." He trailed off, unable to control the shaking from fresh sobs. "The shit I said to Kyle... I wouldn't even say to my worst enemy, it was unforgivable!" I looked at him helplessly as he broke into even more sobs. "I hurt him so much, so _fucking_ much for no reason at all, I don't deserve to live!" He wailed into my chest.

My heart ached for him, it really did. Even without all this gay stuff, him and Kyle have a bond stronger than anything, even family. They had _never_ had anything resembling a fight before and look at the damage it had done: Kyle has shut himself away and now Stan's fucking cutting himself!

"It's okay" I whisper soothingly, stroking his hair. "Friends have fights all the time, Stan. If you said some bad shit to him, just apologize. He loves you like family, dude. He'll forgive you."

"He hasn't said anything to anyone though" he continued. "What if he's hurt himself? What if... Fuck! I could never forgive myself, let alone him forgiving me!"

"If you break something, you can fix it. Talk to him face-to-face and tell him just how sorry you are." He calms down at this and looks back at me, his eyes still dripping with sadness but also hope.

"You think so?"

"Dude, I _know _so" I grin at him.

He was about to say something when the creaking of the main door to the old bathrooms interrupts us.

Fuck.

"Dude, get out for a minute!" I called out.

"Why? What's going on in there? Is someone dropping bombs?" Came a voice, unmistakably childish and naive. It couldn't have been anyone else's.

"The sinks busted, Butters!" I called out, standing up. "Don't come in, its a fucking mess dude. Go back to the others, I've gotta fix it before a teacher sees it."

"Oh, alright then Kenny" he replied. I smiled to myself. Typical Butters, since day one of knowing him he would believe anything you told him without question. It had its perks but for fuck sake he'll end up getting killed one day, he's _that_ manipulative.

Stan looked up at me, his hand out reached. I pulled him to his feet. "Thanks" he muttered as he tried to dry himself off to no avail. I took a look at myself, I was a mess too. Soaking wet from a cocktail of blood, tap water and tears.

"Hey, Kenny?" He asked.

"Yeah?"

"Did Kyle say anything to you last time you saw him?"

"No" I lied "nothing important anyway"

"Cool, I think I'm gonna head home and get cleaned up, I'm only gonna miss gym anyway" Stan said, smiling softly. "Then I'm gonna talk to Kyle and tell him how sorry I am. I..," he hesitated, looking down at his feet shyly, "can you come too? I mean, if you _want_ to just to get him to talk to me?"

I smiled warmly, "sure."

He wrapped me in a hug that radiated with appreciation.

"Thank you Kenny, for everything. I'm glad I have as good a friendship with someone else other than Kyle"

"That's ok, big guy" I chuckled but then I pulled away from him. "One thing though" I said to him, dropping the smile and looking him straight in the eye, grey to blue. "You ever try what you did today and scare the fuck out of me like that again I-I-" I broke off, fighting a lump in my throat as my mind wandered to what might have been. What would have been if I had been much later.

"It's ok" Stan said, hugging me harder. "There's no fucking way I'd do that to you, Ken."

"Fuck me, what a mess!" I sigh to myself as I watch him leave.

...

"Kyle, this is like the 20th message I've left you please call me back or something. I know what happened. I'm gonna have to resort to other measures to get you to talk but let's not let it go that far, be warned though. Please, _call _me, _text _me, fucking... Whatever! Just let me know you're alive. Okay... bye"

I knew it wouldn't do any good but I left the message anyway, I dropped a hint in there about using 'other measures'; that being actually breaking in to get to him. I had thought about doing it for a few days now but I never had a good reason to do it until earlier today with Stan.

I stared over at the green door. Seeing just how much Stan was bothered by what happened wouldn't leave my mind for the rest of the day. The water, the soggy mess lying against the wall getting soaked, the razorblade...

No! Stop thinking about that, need to focus on other shit now like my options. There was only two:

Kyle would call back and we could meet like normal.

Stan would meet me here at Kyle's house in an hour and we would use our 'other measures.'

Only time will tell which it would be.

...

The combination of listening to deadmau5 on my phone as well as watching some of the nastiest porn I had seen in a long time caused the hour to fly by. Nobody passed the bench I was sitting on. I was so preoccupied, I never saw or heard him sit down next to me. He tapped me on the shoulder, an ear-to-ear grin plastered on his face.

"You certainly know how to use your time productively" He smirked, pointing down at the bulge in my pants. "Enjoying yourself or are you just happy to see me?"

"Fuck off, fag" I laugh, adjusting myself so my arousal wasn't as noticable.

"What are you listening to?" he asks as he plucks an earphone from me, putting it into his own. He bobs his head eagerly in time to 'Professional Griefers'

"That the new deadmau5 album?" He asks me, I nod. "It's fucking immense!" he beams.

A few tracks later, I decide to switch it off. We have more important issues to deal with.

"Okay, the parents and Ike left about an hour ago, no Kyle of course, so I say we try his bedroom window. Can you climb it?"

"Of course" he replies "do you not remember how many times we've done it before when we were younger?"

"Yeah, stupid question" I said, getting up to head for the house. I can't help noticing how scared Stan sounds. I rub his shoulder comfortingly.

Going around the side, I peek in the windows. Everything seems normal, no Kyle but nothing else out-of-the-ordinary. We headed for the tree with the steps on just like old times and climbed. Once reaching the branch closest to the celing which Kyle's window overlooked, we jumped onto it, Stan steadied me as I pulled myself up, thanking him. His curtains were closed but luckily his window was unlocked.

"Kyle!" I call in. No response. "Dude, it's us. We're coming in whether you like it or not." and with that we climbed in.

It takes my eyes a minute to adjust to darkness like this. I can't see shit. I fumbled for a lamp switch that I knew was on the table next to his window before finally finding it...

And flicking it on...

And seeing the state of the room...

And seeing the colour drain from Stan's face...

And seeing what he was staring in horror at, something that made my blood freeze, something that I could only describe as a shell lying face up on his bed, emaciated, expressionless and motionless.

We had found Kyle.


	8. Hurt

**I hope you guys are enjoying this as much as I am writing it.**

**Only way to know if you're enjoying it is if you review/follow it so please do! :D**

* * *

The first thing I noticed, other than the Kyle was two things; plates upon plates of untouched food stacked in the corner of the room and the unholy stench of rotting coming from there.

I heard Stan breathe next to me, trembling. "Kyle..."

If the sight of Stan at his weakest a few hours ago had shocked me, this set me reeling. I felt an overwhelming sense of dread. Seeing Stan earlier was more of an immediate shock whereas this was just fucking horrific, relentlessly horrific.

There, lying before me above the bed covers, in the same clothes I had last seen him in was none other than Kyle Broflovski. Had it not been for the clothes he was wearing and the unmistakable hairstyle, I wouldn't have recognised him.

His skin had become even paler, if that was possible, and sallow. His face had shrunk, his cheeks had caved inwards, the rising and falling of his chest illustrated each individual rib of his ribcage. His hair had turned a dull colour and deep black bags hung under his eyes. Oh God, his eyes! They were little more than glass balls, staring aimlessly into nothing. Cold, miserable and dead.

His whole body had shrunk, causing his clothes to hang off of him loosely and showed obvious signs that he hasn't been eating. The realisation washed over me.

Kyle has been _starving _himself.

I also notice that music was playing ambiently in the background.

Johnny Cash.

_I hurt myself today to see if I still feel. __I focus on the pain, the only thing that's real._

I gaze at Kyle, rooted to the spot, afraid of I don't know what. Stan isn't though, he crosses the room with a brisk pace, drowning out Cash with his sobs.

"Oh Kyle" he weeps as he strokes his cheeks lovingly. I join him, laying a hand on Kyle's shoulder. It's so cold! If it wasn't for the steady rise and fall of his chest I would have thought him to be dead. Kyle rolls over onto his side without a word as tears fall from Stan's face and onto the pillow, crisp and fresh like small diamonds, not sinking into the fabric.

"Oh God! Oh God! Look what I've done to you! I'm so so sorry Kyle" he cries frantically, horrified at the state the boy is in. Kyle still didn't make a sound or movement, I don't think he even blinked.

_The needle tears a hole, the old familiar sting. __Try to kill it all away but I remember everything._

My turn to try.

"Look Kyle, Stan's really, really sorry for what he did. More sorry than I think you realise" I said, referring to what happened in the school bathrooms.

Still nothing. The once vibrant, happy guy I knew and loved lay there motionless and emotionless aside from the steady, rhythmic movements of him breathing, his only sign of life.

"Dude, just say something. _Anything!"_ I plead, fighting a losing battle with that familiar lump in my throat.

_What have I become, my sweetest friend? Everyone I know goes away in the end. __And you could have it all: my empire of dirt. I will let you down, I will make you Hurt._

Things were looking bleaker by the minute. Kyle seems lost in a place where I don't think he can return from. I felt a sob escape me as I watched on helplessly at Stan weeping for Kyle in a near state of mourning, almost chanting how sorry he was.

"Please!" He cried. "You mean the fucking world to me, do you know that? I love you so fucking much! You're like the brother I've never had, I knew that since the first day I met you all those years ago."

Stan paused, gulping in air before continuing. Kyle blinked.

"Shelly hates me, she always has done. I always wanted a little brother, someone to love and be loved by. Then you came along Ky and all I wanted to do was protect you and look after you and be kind to you. I wanted to be to you what my big sister wasn't to me, what I _needed _her to be."

I gaze at Stan as he goes on, pouring his heart out, saying things I've never heard him say before.

"And then I said all that stuff to you like that. I have never in all my life felt so rotten and disgusted with myself. Only one person I know would have done that and I had become her. I had become what I've always hated, what I swore my whole fucking _life _to never be!"

He takes another deep gulp of air, rolling back both sleeves to reveal fresh bandages.

"This is how much I've been hurting since I hurt _you!" _he wails_ "_I tried to block it out but it didn't work! Please, please forgive me!"

His arm hung loosely infront of Kyle's face, I saw his eyes silently widen.

Stan cried harder than ever at Kyle's lack of a verbal response. I joined too, sobbing heavily. I couldn't help it. It was fucking _killing _me to see my two best friends like this, unrecognisable to their usual selves. I leaned against the wall.

_Beneath the stains of time, feelings disappear. __You are someone else, I am still right here._

Stan had laid down next to Kyle on his bed and had grabbed hold of him in a hug, desperate to illicit a response. It was no good. I sobbed even harder as he bent over to Kyle's face and planted a kiss on his cheek, long and gentle.

Still nothing.

It was no use.

"Stan?" My head, shot up in response to the rasping voice. Stan froze too.

"Is that you, Stan?"

I sobbed in relief, drinking in Kyle's words.

"Yes!" He cried, overjoyed "It's me, Kyle. I'm here."

The thin, weedy boy sat upright and turned to face his hero, his face was beginning to crumble and he let out a dry sob. Stan's hands clasped Kyle's face, stroking him gently before kissing him again on the forhead.

With that, Kyle broke down into Stan's arms, his sobs quaked his weak frame as Stan cried too, kissing him feverishly, gripping Kyle tighter than ever, stroking his face and muffling endless apologies inbetween kisses.

"Don't cry" Stan said, looking into Kyle's now colour-filled eyes.

His first words to Kyle.

Their meaning caused Kyle to cry even harder as their embrace went deeper and deeper going beyond friendship, beyond love, beyond anything I could ever comprehend in a million years.

I wiped away my tears and headed for the window. These hurt souls need a bit of privacy.

The quiet music fades away as I climb out.

_If I could start again a million miles away, __I would keep myself. I would find a way._

* * *

**Phew! Please, I sound like a broken record but TELL ME HOW I DID! :D This chapter was really tricky to write so feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thats all I ask. Thanks :D**


	9. Birthday

**Finally saw the new South Park, I enjoyed it. It didn't go off on random, stupid tangents like they have done recently with the plots. Hopefully they'll pick up the pace and the season will end on a higher note than before,**

**Moving back to Kyle's POV now and a much more positive tone, Kenny's still gonna be playing a large part in this though**

**Anyways, got me a pack of cookies and a nice vial of Butters' 'Happy Juice' and a whole lotta time to kill so on with the story! :D**

* * *

"Which one do you think?" I asked my little brother, holding out suits. "This one?" I indicated to my right arm toward an outreached tuxedo. "Or this one?" I asked, referring to the cream jacket and black slacks on my left arm.

He was lying flat down on his bed, playing with his new iPad, kicking his legs playfully in the air and didn't notice me.

"Ike!" I snap.

"Oh! Emmm... Shit, dude, I don't know" he shrugged "that one; the tux looks too official, what are you doing wearing that shit anyway?"

"I thought I told you already. Stan's parents are going all-out for his fifteenth birthday, dude!" I exclaim, excited.

"First: him, me, Kenny, Cartman, Wendy, Bebe, Token, Clyde, Butters, Craig and Tweek are all going out for dinner with our families to that new 'Les Pantalons Fancie' restaurant for a top-class dinner then tomorrow his folks are goin down to Denver for the night and they're letting Stan throw a houseparty! Stan said his dad's even getting alcohol for it!" I whisper that last part so mom or dad won't hear.

"Uh-huh great" deadpanned Ike, transfixed on the gadget in his hands "and where do I come in?"

"Well, I would say both tonight and tomorrow night but I wouldn't. Because, you know, you're not allowed to go and all, 'cos you told Mr Adler to fuck himself and now your ass is grounded." I duck to miss the pillow he throws at me as I leave his room to go get changed.

...

Stepping out of the car, I wince. Stupid Ike, making me choose these slacks. I had been forced to drop down a few sizes since 'getting sick' last month as my mother thinks it but I had filled into them a little too soon and they were tight as fuck! They squeezed me in all the wrong places. I swear if I ever have fucked up kids someones getting sued!

We take our seats around the gigantic table. I sat between Stan's family and Kenny's family who had shaped up surprisingly well for the occasion. His mother Carol wore a rose-red dress and had her hair tied up in a bun. Kenny wore a light blue shirt, cream trousers and brown leather boots that I swear I coukd see my face in. His dad, Stuart wore an identical outfit. His hair was no longer the dirty shade of blond it had always been before he got that job two weeks ago. It was combed to the side and the usual redneck hat he wore was nowhere to be seen. He looked totally different to a few months ago. I must confess, if I had a taste for older men I would have gone for him.

But the one I lust for sat to my right. The birthday boy looked fucking astonishing in his crisp tux, standing out amongst us as someone important, someone special. He sat gazing at the menu blankly.

"Just get the set menu, honey" Sharon whispered to him "don't mind the bad dessert." We had all decided to do that except for Token and his family, being rich-bitch regulars who ordered simply: "The usual."

As time passed, I grew tired of all the questions, the questionable looks and the stares from nearly everyone around the table who had only heard rumours about my two week absence, presumably originating from Cartman who looked away innocently and continued talking about himself to Wendy like the narcissistic little shit he is.

Kenny noticed my distress, he nudges me and tilts his head for the door. I take the hint, glad to get outta the lion's den even for a minute.

"Wanna smoke?" Kenny asks me, pulling out his pouch of tobacco and papers. I shake my head as always wondering why he keeps asking me to join him on his newfound hobby. "How's things with the shrink?"

"Psychiatrist, dude" I correct him "and it sucks. It was hard telling him the reason why I shut myself away and tried starving myself to death but when I did I could talk about it more. Now he's scribbling shit down all the time saying things like 'bipolar' or 'stress disorder' and he's giving me all these pills and putting me on fucking suicide watch too, my parents don't have a clue. I don't know how to begin telling them everything."

"Wow, that's rough dude. What about Stan?"

"Oh me and him are-"

"Gimme a smoke Kenny" came a voice from behind us, cutting me off. It was Cartman.

"Jeez, you've a face on you like a slapped crack!" Kenny exclaimed, seeing Cartman's expression. "What's up?"

"Nuthin. It's just... nuthin..." Cartman replied, looking miserable.

Seeing a bit of myself in him, I opened my mouth to ask him what was wrong too but I was stopped by Token who was beckoning us to come in.

"Come on, you guys! Entrees have hit and they look fucking delicious!" This cheered Cartman up. Fucking typical.

...

I sighed as I laid my fork down from the last course before dessert. Good fucking _God! _My mouth was alit with the taste of the meal, flavours tapdanced around my lips and I licked them off eagerly. I was no food critic, but that meal would have had Gordon Ramsay in tears, it tasted _that _good. Dessert could only be better.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, I pulled it out.

_Kenny M: Wow, that was some grub, my mouths still watering! _

_U never told me whats happenin wit Stan btw?_

I text my response.

_Yeah I know what u mean, so tasty. _

_It was me assuming things that caused the fight 2 begin with. I was a fool, he's well and truly in wit Wendy, I'll never be his. :(_

I decide to follow up on that after seeing Kenny's look of pity.

_It's ok though, we're still as good friends as b4, like nothing ever happened. I'll gladly take that over nothing :) I'll talk more to u later._

He smiles at me after he reads my message.

The movement of waiters around the table distract me. Dessert! It was berry cheesecake, my absolute favourite. Each dish had its lid lifted in unison to reveal the creamy slice of heaven before me.

"Huh?" Came Stan's voice. I looked over. Laying on his dish was no dessert but a small, neatly wrapped square present sittinng on a small red cushion like a luxury item.

"We know you don't like cheesecake, son." said Randy "so we thought we'd order something a little... sweeter" he smiled. "Well go on, open it."

Stan did so, gently tearing off the paper to reveal the jewel case of a CD, the unmistakable mouse head covered the front side.

"I think this guy's whats _in _nowadays, or so I hear at all hours of the night anyway!" Sharon laughs with the parents.

"Thanks guys!" Stan beamed, turning the new deadmau5 album over in his hands.

"Pfft! A CD? What kind of poor kid gets a CD?" scoffed Eric from the other side of the table.

"Shhh!" hissed Liane.

A smile grew steadily on Randy's face "Open the case."

A bit more eagerly this time, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, Stan opened the CD case. A small pile of paper spilled out over the blood red cushion. Was it money? They all looked the same; small rectangular slips about the size of a 50 note but all rigid, like card.

Stan picked one up to look at it and froze. Suddenly his eyes widened and his mouth dropped open

"There's one for each of you, you're all allowed to go!" Randy squeaked, looking around the table.

"AAAAAHHH! OH MY GOD! THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOUU!" Stan screamed, hugging his parents before throwing the other bits of card into the air. I catch one, desperate to see what it is.

Then I freeze too as I see exactly what it is.

It isn't money, it's a _ticket_!

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT DUDE WE'RE GOING TO DEADMAU5 TOMORROW! FUCK YEAH!" yells Cartman, waving one of the eleven tickets in the air, running around the table to meet Stan.

We all join in, our raucous cheering, yelling and thankyous to the Marshes reverberate around the building, causing the kitchen staff to emerge smiling and the other diners to look over, their noses turned. I didn't give I flying fuck, we were going to deadmau5!

"OH GOD! ACK!" screeches Tweek, jumping up and down.

"WOOOHOOO" Kenny screams running past me, locking arms with Stan.

"EEEEK!" screeches Bebe, spinning in circles with Wendy, their arms locked like that scene out of 'Titanic'.

"OH MARY MOTHER OF JESUS! OH SWEET JOSEPH THE FATHER BUT NOT RELATED TO MARY OR SWEET JESUS! OH HAMBURGERS!" cries Butters, running around in circles.

"OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD!" yells Craig, flapping his arms frantically

"YEAH!" I cheer, high-fiving Stan, unable to believe I was going to see my favourite House music producer _live. _In _Denver. Tomorrow!_

We all had varied tastes on music. I liked Jazz, Kenny liked Death Metal, Stan liked Classical, the girls liked Pop, Butters even liked Rap but one artist we all held in high favour was deadmau5, no matter what our other tastes in music were.

I had missed his last visit to Colorado two years ago because it was an 18's only show but now I could finally go! With everyone!

After several minutes of cheering and whooping, the staff came over to quieten us down. I wolfed down my cheesecake, my mind tied up in other more recent things, unable to a ppreciate the creamy fruity goodness to the full.

I gazed down at my ticket, hungrily reading everything on it; the venue, the date, the time, everything. What a day tomorrow's gonna be! A house party but before that, deadmau5! It made me forget about all my troubles, even Stan. All that mattered now was that I was going to have what I knew straight away would be the best day of my life. And I'll have everyone to share it with.

I fell asleep faster than I ever had done in the past month, eager to bring tomorrow forward and all of the joys that would come with it.

What a fucking birthday this was, and it wasn't even _mine_!

* * *

**Yeah, I know. I'm a huge mau5 head! :D Love the guy and the music even more (Does anyone else?)**

**Next chapter will be a big one so it may take some time but with what I have planned, it should be worth it.**

**PLEASE RATE, REVIEW, FAVOURITE, FOLLOW etc. Or even send me a PM just let me know in some way, shape or form if you guys are enjoying this! Thanks.**

**-IVYY-**


	10. Dreams & Nightmares

**So yeah, had a huge chapter planned but decided to split it into 2 or maybe 3. **

**I'm quite happy with this chapter, I had another one but it got deleted I think this one is better though.**

**Once again R&R, many thanks for the PM's and the support, keep it coming :D**

* * *

A cold breeze wafts over my exposed feet, gentle but unfamiliar and alien. I shoot upright, wide awake and then freeze, terrified. The moonlight perfectly outlines the hooded figure perched on my windowsill, the curtains sway ominously as another cold breeze blows in. I couldn't move, I only stare wide-eyed at the intruder who in turn stares right back at me.

He makes the first move hopping down and landing with a thud, I fly out of bed, my mind racing. What do you do in this situation? Run? Scream? Fight? I did neither. I just stand rooted to the spot in my pyjamas. "Wh-what do you want?" I whisper, petrified. He doesn't respond. Instead, he crosses the room and with one fluid movement shoves me back onto the bed. I open my mouth to scream but a hand quickly slaps over it.

And then suddenly, everything is ok. I feel the old familiar softness on my lips as Stan pulls off his hood and pushes the chocolate strands out of his eyes.

"You ass! You scared the crap outta me!" I whisper fiercely. Stan responds by putting a finger to my mouth, still gazing into my eyes, smiling his 'Stan-smile'. A cloud covers the moon, blocking its glow.

My heart suddenly begins to quicken as I realise that Stan had begun to take his hoodie off. "What are you-?"

"Ssshhh" he breathes into my ear, making it quiver. He pushes me further back on the bed so that my head is propped against pillows before making a move... _and climbing on top of me_. My heart rate doubles.

Still smiling, he raises his palms, bringing them to my cheeks. He caresses my face and runs his fingers through my hair, twirling the red curls. I melt to his touch, the 'butterflies' in my stomach resembling something closer to nuclear bombs. Being this close with Stan is nothing short of feeling like I could soar. It's like magic, ecstasy, adrenalin, happiness, bliss, freedom and a mountain of other emotions, all rolled into one and flowing through every inch of my being.

My heart goes flat-out as moonlight returns, adding a poignant blue tinge. It illuminates the room, Stan, his face and his eyes... God, they were so fucking beautiful! They burn in the basking blue with a fire I had only seen once before when he gave me my first orgasm.

I start to tremble. I know what's about to come next but I'm not ready for it. I've longed for it and fantasized about it for so long but now that its here...

My mind runs blank as he leans in

and kisses me.

His mouth closes over mine sending fireballs soaring through my mouth I'm clinging to him half a second later, fiercely mashing my lips against his, sliding my tongue along the inside of his lips; tasting him, breathing him in. And he kisses me back, moaning his satisfaction into my mouth, gingerly prodding his tounge everywhere. My bones turn to jelly and I look into his eyes, awashed with love.

He presses into me and I feel his arousal like a white-hot poker, he lets out a moan as I rub it. I press mine into him, allowing him to return the favour. I had never felt so fucking horny in all my life.

All at once, the kissing suddenly explodes to the next level and we tear off clothes, casually discarding them to some forgotten corner of the room, aching to remove any layers of separation between our skins. He tears off my pyjama trousers, pausing briefly to gaze down at my burning loins. I blush, embarrased but he plunges his hand down, clasping hold of my cock and I gasp. I purr my appreciation into his lips as I tear off his jeans and boxers, not bothering with his T-shirt, desperate to make love.

I grab his bare ass and pull him in closer and wrap my legs around his, locking myself into him still relentlessly attcking his mouth with my tongue. He rubs me with one hand and caresses my face still with the other while pressing his cock against my skin; humping me just like he did on his bed that day.

His palms are as soft as the cheeks I clench. My mind whirls in ecstasy as he continues to pleasure me to the edge of release. I cry out his name several times, desperate for him to go the distance and grant me the feeling that I have craved for so long.

He looks up at me and speaks his first words of the night: _"Kyle? You ok?"_

I barely pay heed to what he says.

"_Kyle, Kyle!"_ I pause and look at him. His facial expression remains the same as it has been the whole time but the voice has changed, its younger.

"_What's going on? Is someone in there? Kyle!"_ Stan's face fades. The room melts around me.

My door crashes open.

"Kyle! AGH WHAT THE FUCK!"

"Mmh-wha?"

Ike stares at me in the doorway in horror before slowly backing out of the open doorway. It took me a second to wake up properly and to realise what was going on. I looked down at myself.

Fuck.

My covers had been pushed to the end of the bed as well as my pyjama trousers. My cock stood upright, pulsating and in the light from the hallway, I was horrified to notice a glistening bead of pre-cum, it must have stood out a fucking mile!

My mind froze. Had he heard me, heard me moan his name? How much did he he hear? Jesus, this was like some American Pie shit happening here!

Once more, my loins wouldn't leave me alone in the dead of night; they burned for release. I waited till I was sure Ike was back in bed (not that I expected to walk into my room again any time soon!) before starting to finish what my dream had started. And I did with very little enjoyment.

I didn't even consider masturbating to even be in the same league as Stan and the feelings he gave me. This only felt like filler, a substitute to wean me off of something I was so heavily addicted to, something I knew I could never have except only have in my dreams.

I rolled onto my side and brought my legs up to my torso, letting the tears flow freely. I feel so sick. I longed for the comfort of his smile, the fire of his touch, the gooeyness of his love like a missing piece to a stunningly beautiful jigsaw.

Why the fuck would he want me anyways, even if he _was _gay? I looked down at myself. Who would want me; a skinny, weak, freckled, red-headed, nerdy, hideous, Jew fag? No girl wanted me, no guy wants me now that I know I'm gay either. I sobbed harder as my pillow became damp with my misery.

I am so sick of longing for him, lusting for him, being so in love with him. I close my eyes, desperately begging myself to move on, silently willing myself not to feel.

_He doesn't love you._

_He loves Wendy, not you._

_Freak._

Repeating Stan's words over and over in my head, I cry myself to sleep.

...

I didn't bother checking the time, it seemed late enough and I had slept enough. I was almost sure to get a lecture today when my parents got back later on about how a day is wasted when you sleep in for so long but to be honest, I couldn't give a flying fuck. A: I emotionally drained myself onto my pillow last night so the sleep was good and B: I was about to have one of the best days of my fourteen years on this rock so the day is most certainly _not _wasted.

It didn't take me long to remember something else from last night: Ike. I suck so hard at being a brother sometimes- I must have scarred him for life! Not to mention he had heard me, I was loud enough to wake him (luckily not my parents who wouldn't be back till this afternoon) but what did he hear me say? I sighed, realising the inevitable: I had to talk to him.

Gritting my teeth, I got up and headed next door. Better get this over with, short and sweet. I knocked and the door drifted open, Ike was lying in bed wide awake and looking up at the celing. I crossed the room and sat at the foot of the bed, unsure of where to start with this most awkward of brotherly chats.

"Hey, Kyle" he began, breaking the ice.

"Hey."

"So... Looking forward to today?"

"Yeah you bet I am, I can't wait!"

"That's good bro, thats cool."

"What about yourself, any plans of your own or..?"

"Yeah, got a day planned with Filmore and the guys. Going cinema, bowling, Whistlin' Willy's then staying over at his place."

"That's cool, should be fun."

"Yeah..."

A silence cut through the atmosphere like a knife, I silently willed myself to get to the point. Gritting my teeth, I began.

"Look, about last night..." I began hesitantly.

"Yeah, about that? What the fuck was all that about?"

"Well, I was having a dream, see? And sometimes a dream can be so real and you can love it so much you act it out in real life while you sleep. That's kinda what happened to me."

"Oh, I see..." Ike hesitated. "And what was this dream about?"

"A girl" I lied "I was having sex with her. I guess it was such a strong dream because I know she'll never want it in real life and I was loving it so much, I'm sorry for waking you buddy."

"That's ok" Ike said, a smirk forming "but one question though. What kind of parents name a girl _Stan?_"

I freeze, my worst fears confirmed. Fuck, he had heard everything; my satisfied moans, my pleading and his name. Quick Kyle, think of something, anything!

"I, uhh, well, she was there and he umm-" Ike sat upright and held up a hand.

"It's okay Kyle. I know." I was stunned into silence before he continued.

"I had some time to think about it last night but then I realised I didn't even need any, I know what I think of you." My mouth went dry, I know it's stupid but I even felt afraid as he crawled over and sat next to me. He looked me dead in the eye and I braced myself for the worst.

But then, to my utter shock he threw his arms around me!

"Kyle, you are my brother" he began, his voice totally serious as he held onto me. "Nothing on earth can _ever_ change that, not even blood relations. I don't care what lifestyle you choose; gay or straight, you're still my big brother. I'll love you forever."

I gasped, Ike could be a little shit but from time to time he would have his moments, ones of genuine love, brilliance, intellect and purity that make me realise exactly why my parents adopted him. This was one of them.

I hadn't even began to contemplate coming out to any of my family, the thought of it made me shiver at how they would react; what would they say? What _wouldn't _they say? But now I hadn't even done it properly and It was too much, I began to cry. Fucking typical.

"What? Did you think I'd just reject you? That I'd hate you just because of who you love? I couldn't ever hate you Kyle. You're my hero. I love you."

I cried harder as he held me tighter, sitting like this, the minutes passing by in silence.

"It hurts, doesn't it?" He asked me. "What you were saying about the dream, how she-Stan will never want you, it must hurt so much..." I nod silently, the tears rolling down the bridge of my nose. "Say it."

"Huh?" I turn to look at him.

"Say it" he repeated "out loud"

"I don't-"

"Trust me, you'll feel better. Just say it out loud, let the hurt out."

My mouth suddenly went dry. For some reason I was scared of saying the word out loud, I pushed myself onward to do it.

"I'm... gay" I whisper.

"Huh? What was that?" Ike asked, cupping an ear in my direction.

"I'm... gay" I repeat, louder this time and with less of a pause in between the two words, realising they would not cause untold amounts of destruction.

"Again."

"I'm gay" I say, confidently, looking upward

"Again!" Ike shouts, getting to his feet. "Say _all _of it, let it all out!"

"I'm gay!" I repeat, standing to my feet too and looking up at the celing. "And... I love Stan"

"Again!"

"I'm gay and I love Stan"

"Once again!"

"I'm gay and I love Stan!

"One more time!"

"I'm gay and I love Stan!" I cheer at the top of my lungs, unleashing everything I had bottled up in the presence of my brother who beamed at me, his eyes glowing with pride. "I'm as gay as fucking Christmas! I love Stan like I love oxygen! I always will! I dream about making love to him and him jerking me off again! They're the most powerful dreams I could have ever dreamed of fucking dreaming! I-"

I'm cut off by the sudden change in my brothers facial expression. His eyes practically popped out of their sockets and his smile had retreated, the colour had drained from his rosy cheeks. He gazes past me in horror.

"What?" I ask before turning around.

"Oh, fuck."

"Hi mom" Ike squeaks.

* * *

**Gold star for anyone who noticed the bit at the very end, 'Kyle's mom's a bitch' anyone?**

**I joined the LGBT community in my college, the only freshman nervous as fuck, and I'm planning to show them this once its done, hopefully they'll like it.**

**Anyways, stay following and thanks for reading :)**


	11. Creek

**I decided to throw in a bit of Craig/Tweek here, I think it works in with the story nicely so enjoy!**

* * *

I had gotten a text from Stan saying for everyone to meet at Craig's place. On the way over there, my mind was a blur from what had just happened. I kept replaying it over and over in my mind from start to finish trying to make sense of it.

She had dropped the laundry she was carrying and quickly bent to pick it up, I reached out a hand to help but she held up hers to stop me before going over to Ike's wardrobe with the freshly ironed garments. Ike took this opportunity to slink past her, desperately mouthing "I didn't know she was coming back yet, I'm sorry!" before darting off across the hallway and down the stairs, leaving me with my mother.

If the atmosphere was tense before it was nothing compared to now. My mouth went dry as I sat on Ike's bed, looking at my feet like I had just been sent to the principals office. I waited for her to finish stacking clothes so she would say something, anything. But she simply turned around, ignoring me, and walked out of the open door.

"Wait" I said, getting to my feet and putting a hand on her shoulder. She immediately brushed it off and turned to me, her eyes filled with something I couldn't quite put my finger on. Anger? No. Sadness? Maybe. Disappointment? More than likely.

"Go out, we'll talk later" she said, her tone flat.

"But I need to-"

"Go" she repeated.

Terrified, I had left the house after grabbing my keys, wallet and phone, not daring to look back.

"_We'll talk later". _I was frenzily trying to think of what she would say or even do. It couldn't be too bad though, she's my mom after all.

"Oh hi!" said Mrs. Tucker looking pleased. "Craig's upstairs Kyle, I think he may have one or two others with him. All set for the concert?" she smiled.

"Yeah its gonna be awesome, I can't believe we all got tickets to go, that was really good of Stan's parents."

"Yeah well I can't believe what crap kids listen today but what can you do? Anyways, Craig is upstairs, go on up to him and have fun tonight!"

"Yeah... thanks" I replied. I felt her flipping me off as I headed up the stairs.

Reaching Craig's door, I expected to hear more talking but it was nearly silent. I could hear muffled noises as I turned the handle, not of talking but of something else...

Then I opened the door.

"WHAT THE FUCK!"

Of all the fucked up shit happening to me today, this took the cake. Craig was lying down on his bed, _completely _naked, legs spread, head arched back and mouth opened in satisfaction.

In between those legs was someone else, also fully naked. I could recognise the messy blond mop of hair anywhere.

"OH JESUS! WAAAAAAAH!" He wailed, pulling hims face up from Craig's crotch.

"AAAHHH!" I scream.

"AAAAHH!" _Craig _screams, looking straight at me.

"AAAAHH!"

"AAAAHHH!"

"AAAAHH!"

"AAAAAHHHH!"

"OH GOD! TOO MUCH PRESSURE! THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE!" Screeches Tweek, pulling at clumps of his hair, running around the room stark naked.

"DUDE, GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!"

"OKAAAY!" I say, my voice still elevated before wheeling around and bolting it out of the room, down the stairs, out the front door and down the street.

...

I had run a block and a half before I stopped myself. I paused before I said aloud to myself: "What the fuck am I doing?" I start to laugh as I collapse into a nearby bench, exhausted from the running. From what exactly that was, I wasn't sure.

God! I was being so stupid! I laughed harder as I replayed the whole scenario in my head, realising how stupid I was to run away like that, like the whole 'gay sex' thing was strange and scary to me. It reminded me of yet another fantasy involving Stan only this time it was real.

I stopped laughing and I mulled this new information over in my head; Craig and Tweek? No fucking _way _did I ever expect that to happen in a billion years! They had almost killed eachother back in third grade and last I knew, they weren't talking to eachother. But now? What a shocker!

I was wary to go back in that direction but I knew others would get there soon. I picked myself up and headed back toward the lion's den. My heart skipped a beat when I saw who was walking away from Craig's door.

"Hey dude, where's Craig?" Stan asked me "his mom said he just left there a few minutes ago?"

"I dunno" I lied, fighting the never-ending battle with those butterflies, forcing myself from leaping on top of him and kissing him.

"Screw it,let's get together at mine Our bus is gonna leave from there anyways."

"Bus?" I furrow my eyebrows at him.

"Yeah you heard me right, my dad went and booked all of us a fucking_ bus _too, isn't that awesome?" he smiles at me, excitedly.

"Totally!" I reply, going all gooey inside as ever when he smiled. Stan pulls out his phone sending texts to everyone going to meet at his and then the two of us headed off for his place. I had plucked up the courage to talk to him when a loud noise cut me off.

"HII STAAN!" came a loud screech resembling a cat in a blender. The skank on legs had arrived right on cue, fucking typical! Not a hope in hell of there being any meaningful conversation with Stan now _she _was here. I stormed on ahead as they pulled in to kiss, unable to stomach watching them, fighting the urge to tear every limb from that bitch.

We run into Clyde, Token and Butters on the way, stopping to talk for a minute when I notice him sitting behind a bush far off in the distance. Nobody else has seemed to yet so I ran over to him.

"Just taking a leak!" I call back as I head over. To my surprise, I find him crying! Craig Tucker; the fearless, emotionless Craig Tucker was actually crying his fucking eyes out!

Suddenly, I realise my folly from earlier and the ramifications of me bursting in on their love. I feel sick, I'm such a asshole. He looks up at me with reddened eyes. "I'm so sorry, dude" I said. "I should have knocked first, I- I didn't know."

"It's not your fault" he sniffles. "My fucking whore of a mom! I fucking told that bitch _not to send anyone up_. But did she listen? _NO! _Of course not!" He puts his face back into his palms again. "My whole fucking life is ruined!" he wailed "Tweek won't ever want to talk to me again now that someone knows and now everyone's gonna know that I'm... I'm..."

My heart aches as I sit down next to him, watching him cry his heart out. Then I realise; he's unable to say the word too...

"_It hurts, doesn't it?" _Ike's words from my lips draw Craig's attention and he looks up at me again.

"Huh?"

I look back at him, completely somber, totally serious as I realise that I have just found a kindred spirit in the boy. "I know what you're going through Craig." He doesn't say a word as I continue. "I know exactly what you are going through because... because I am too, with Stan, ok?"

His eyes widen and stops crying, he doesn't move and nor do I. I decide to keep going. "So, now that you know this, you know that I will never, _ever _let this go any further than the three of us- you can tell Tweek too if you want." We continue to sit in silence and I put my arm around him. "I'm really sorry, dude. I know how you must have wanted this to happen for so long, I fucked that up and I'm really sorry."

Craig rests his head on my shoulder and starts crying again softly. "It-it _does _hurt" he sobs "It hurts so fucking much."

"I know" I reply, a single tear dropping down onto his fluffy blue hat.

"I know."

...

I had sat with Craig for longer than I had planned. "Kyle!" I heard Clyde call over "where are you, we're going to Stan's now, everyone else is waiting!"

"Coming!" I call back, getting to my feet and pulling Craig with me. "Come on, dude" I sooth, wiping away his tears. "You don't want to see all the guys in a state like this now do you?" He looks up at me and smiles a watery smile. "That's it!" I encourage "be strong, we have eachother now. Coming?"

"Yeah sure. And Kyle?" I turn to face him before getting knocked backward by a hug "thanks. For everything."

"No prob, dude" I smile, feeling warm inside knowing I had helped someone in my situation. "Now lets go already!"

"Where'd you fucking pull _him_ out of?" asked Clyde. "Never mind, let's fucking _go _already, everyone's already at Stan's without us, come on!"

We reached Stan's place after a few minutes jog and went in througn the open door and into the living room. I playfully dived ontop of Kenny, spreading myself across his lap due to there being no seats left. I couldn't help notice Craig's stare at Tweek, who was calmly sipping coffee and staring glances at both me and Craig.

"Now don't forget" Sharon repeated, yet again "emergency numbers are on the fridge, we left out money for food and _only _food on the counter, that means no repeats of last year with any DVD's mister!" We all smiled knowingly, fondly recalling Kenny using some food money to rent a XXX movie that was stopped rather abruptly by an angry Sharon.

"You know where the spare key is in case you lose that one you have now and don't forget to leave it out of the lock in the morning so your sister can get back in."

"Alright, mom" said Stan.

"Good, now enjoy your dead rat or whoever he is."

"Mouse!" Stan whined back.

"Soda?" Butters asked, holding out an ice-cold can. I gladly took it off him, tearing off the tab and guzzling the gooey orange goodness, finishing it in ten seconds flat.

"Awesome!" I grinned after letting out an almighty belch causing everyone to laugh heartily. I smiled, looking around the room. It was good having things like this again; all the elementary school kids, reunited properly, just us. It was nice.

"Oh my holy jesus christ dude!" gasped Cartman, pointing out the window at the abnormally large black vehicle that had just pulled up outside. "Come on you guys, let's go!"

My jaw dropped as I saw the monstrosity to its full. It was a fucking gigantic coach, completely painted in black apart from the bright green mouse head and the 'deadmau5' logo along the side. We pile on and revel in the real treat that is the inside of the bus which had been decked out with a lounge area, a TV area and a bar, we all grabbed sodas on the way to our seats.

Randy stepped onboard.

"I thought I'd go the distance and bring you guys in style, hope you all like it."

"You're fuckin' awesome, Randy!" Kenny cheered, we all joined in.

"N'aww you're too much" he chuckled "but seriously, it's all for my son so please, if you would join me in a toast?" Randy held up his beer. "To Stan, my finest creation and to his fifteenth birthday!"

"To Stan!" everyone repeated, raising their glasses and cheering for him.

"Right, good luck guys!" Randy said as he left the bus "have fun at your dead rat concert"

"MOUSE!" We all shout back before the doors close.

I push everything that had happened before out of my mind, refusing to let it tain the experience. The bus speeds off, kick-starting the best night of our lives, how it would end though remains to be seen...

* * *

**Bit of an ominous finish there, next chapters gonna be VERY interesting so stick around for it.**

**Keep going with the PM's and reviews/follows etc :D**


	12. deadmau5

**This is a much longer chapter yet I found it to be one of the easiest to write. Leave a review pwease! :D**

* * *

I sank back into the padded leather, mulling over the day so far as the 'mau5 bu5' sped along the South Park junction and onto the free-way to Denver. What a fucking day its been so far. In less than 12 hours, I have had a lucid sex dream with Stan, scarred my brother for life, came out to him in the worst way possible, came out to my fucking mother in the worst way possible, learnt that Craig and Tweek were gay too in the worst way possible and reacted to it in, _that's right_, the worst way possible!

I held my palm against my forhead. I fucking suck. "Hi, friend!" Kenny chirped, slightly bouncing as he sits down next to me. He is wearing two neon strips in the fashion of mouse ears, he hands me them. "Don't worry dude, there's loads at the front of the bus. The green ones look best when they're cracked and lit up."

"Yeah, cool" I sigh unenthusiastically. Kenny picks up on my feelings in an instant and sits up in his seat, turning toward me with concern in his eyes.

"Rough day, huh?"

"You have no idea" I snort.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"It depends" I say looking away from him "do you think you can handle it?" He starts to laugh at this and i join him, realising my mistake. "Of course, what the fuck am I saying? Dirty stuff comes second nature to you doesn't it?"

"Dirty?" says Kenny, he's stopped laughing and is staring wide-eyed at me "you never said anything about dirty!" he's grinning now like a kid who had just been given Christmas gifts to open early. I'm a little offended by his reaction but, alas, its Kenny, what can you do?

"Alright, be cool dude" I say to him, making a mental note not to break my promise to Craig and reveal to Kenny what I saw in his room. "Here's what happened." His eyes widen further as I divulge into my steamy night escapade, when I reach the part with me waking up, he bursts out laughing and I join him finding the funny side in most of today's occurrences.

"...so then I'm practically fucking screaming the house down saying that I'm gay and i love Stan till I look down at him and i see he's fucking shitting bricks right?"

"Uh-huh I think I can see where this is going, please don't tell me..."

"Wait wait wait, it gets good, so he's looking past me so I turn around, right?"

"No!"

"And standing there..."

"No fucking way, dude!"

"It's only my fucking mom!"

"AHHHH" Kenny squeals. "Oh My GOD! Dude! She heard the whole thing?

"The whole fucking thing, man. And I was getting real juicy with it too. Perfect fucking timing, huh Kenny?" I smirk, feeling a lot better than earlier on.

"Wow, that's one for the books, huh? He grins at me, it fades slowly and the expression of concern resurfaces. "So, what happened? What did she say?

"Nothing" said Kyle "absolutely nothing and that's what scares me dude. I could see it, it was like a part of her died or something. She just told me to get out and she'll talk to me later on. I'll call in when we get back from Denver before the house party."

"Don't worry about it, dude" Kenny says rubbing my shoulder reassuringly "she's your mom, what's the worst she'll do?"

"Yeah you're right. I keep telling myself that but she just seemed off, like when she gets mad she gets mad or when she's sad she actually acts sad but not this time, something's different, I can feel it."

"Well, whatever happens, I'll stand by you no matter what."

"Thanks, Ken" I smiled at him, appreciatively and gave him a hug. I secretly wished that Stan would too but I didn't want to bring this up with him again and risk another fight like the one we had. He pulls back off me looking strange. "What?" I ask him, confused.

"Nothing" he turns away.

"What dude?"

"It's just... It's nothing it's ok"

"Kenny" I say impatiently, giving him a knowing look.

"Okay, alright. But please be calm, don't get excited and get ahead of yourself here. It's just a rumour."

"Go on" I said, leaning in so he can say whatever it is quietly and he does.

"Bebe was talking to me at Stan's, before you got there, he's having problems with Wendy." I sit up, unable to help myself. The news is music to my ears.

"What kind of arguments?" I ask casually.

"I dunno, but also _apparently_ Bebe caught her coming out of Cartman's just before meeting you guys but again, I don't know if that's true so don't go running off with this and fucking things up with you and him." I nod calmly whilst fireworks explode inside me at this most wondrous of news, news of there being trouble in paradise with Stan and that bitch made me the happiest I had been all day. Then I slowly realised what Kenny had said

"Cartman?!"

"Yeah?" Came his voice from the bar, he was holding a Hot-dog in his hands

"Uhm, you're fat!" I shoot at him, thinking fast.

"Uhhh... Jew?" he replys confused before continuing his conversation with Butters and chomping on his Dog.

"DUDE!" Kenny hisses, "shut the fuck up! Bebe will feed me my fucking ballsack if I get caught telling anyone this."

"Alright, ok but seriously? Cartman and Wendy? _Seriously?!_"

"Yeah apparently but take it with a grain of salt! It was probably a rumour that she just said she saw, think nothing of it."

"Alright Ken, I won't" I lie as he get up to join Token at the entertainment area. An image recalls itself into my mind; one of Wendy and Eric wrapped up in conversation at dinner last night and then another of Cartman asking for a smoke from Kenny looking upset, after he had been talking to her...

Kenny was right, it probably was nothing. Then again though, Stan and her had been fighting...

But couples fight all the time. Then again...

My mind waltzed with this new, juicy information that Kenny had given me. I hadn't even bothered to join the others, I was that preoccupied.

I was brought out of my trance-like state by different company, Craig. He had been such an asshole to us ever since our excursion to Peru but after today I had seen a different side to him, I side that he had saved only for Tweek and now for me.

"Hey, dude" I say warmly.

"Hey..." he half-smiles back at me. I can tell straight away that he is still upset about earlier.

"Anything with Tweek?" I ask casually. He shakes his head, sniffling manly. "Give it time" I said encouragingly "you have a good relationship with him-or at least it looked like you do, I mean!" I slap my palm to my forhead.

"Its okay" Craig laughs it off. "You're right Kyle its just..." He sighs. "Ah, he's been so scared of being seen with me, it took me months to get him to open up, ven when we were alone, and now he practically runs away from me." He sighs again. "Well what can you do? I even tried to tell him about you but he wouldn't listen, he's fucking hard work he is but I still love him anyway. I wish I could just show him that it's okay to feel and not to worry so much about getting caught."

"Yeah I know what you mean" I say to him giving a knowing look. He furrows his eyebrows in confusion. "Oh wait!" I realise "you don't know about me and Stan yet, do you?" He shakes his head. "Well, you know about a month ago or so when me, him and Clyde were playing truth or dare behind the sports hall?.."

And so I explain everything to Craig, divulging into every cranny, every vivid detail from 'truth or dare', to the wrists, to the dream and everything in between, offering him the same courtesy that I stole from him when I walked in on him and Tweek having oral sex.

When I was done he was staring at me, his face had flushed a bright shade of red. I smiled softly, somewhat glad my erotic stories had made him all hot and bothered. "Wow" he gasps and looks away. "D-dude, I... I'm so sorry, I didn't know. All those questions I asked about why you went away for 4 weeks, all those assumptions I made and you... you were just so hurt, I-" he looks back up at me and tears had flooded his eyes "I-I'm so sorry Kyle, I-"

"Ssshhh" I say putting up my hand reassuringly. "Water under the bridge, think nothing of it" he smiled back at me.

"So your mother knows huh? Fuck! If my mom knew she'd kick me in the balls, you got lucky dude!" he laughs at me. I'm not so sure if I have though as I recall the tone in my mother's voice when she told me to get out, something odd and unheard of by any of us before. I guess time would only tell what that would yield.

We sit in silence for some time, I allow Craig to mull over what I told him while I think about what Kenny told me.

"Hey Craig!" called over Cartman, he's holding out a pack of open twizzlers, Craig's favourite. "Want one?"

"Boy do I!" said Craig enthusiastically as he reaches out his hand.

"Well, they're up here" said Cartman, quickly pulling his away with an evil smirk and pointing up at the bar to the box. Craig sighs and gets up to get one. Cartman's face widens as he gets closer and he closes his eyes briefly in mirth as Craig reaches into the box.

"Mmmh oh yeah, that's right I _took_ the last packet didn't I?" he gloats.

"You fat son of a bitch!" Craig snarls angrily "and you wonder why you don't have a girlfriend!"

"Ay! Yes I do!" That jolts me out of my thoughts.

"Who is it, so?" I hear myself ask before I can stop myself, everyone in the bus goes quiet as they stare at Cartman awaiting an answer, except for Kenny who's glaring daggers at me, I shrug apologetically.

"I-i'ts, uhm..." Cartman begins "It's-it's n-none of your business you Jew rat!" he spits "go back to compiling your family's life savings!"

Craig snorts triumphantly as he returns to his seat next to Tweek who quickly twitches and gets up to go to the bar. I recline the chair back fully so its nearly vertical, it's so fucking comfy I'd nearly fall asleep in it if not for feeling a familiar presence next to me. God, i could sense his every movement around the bus before he sat next to me like I was a human radar for him. He leans his seat back so he's level with me and I turn over to lock into his eyes like a prisoner.

"Hi" he says softly.

"Hi" I reply, my mouth being alarmingly dry. Stan hasn't lied next to me like this since he found me near death last month when i had given up hope of ever seeing or hearing from him again and wanted to just end it all. He had slept with me that night, nothing sexual, purely platonic. Even the kisses too; the ones which had brought me back to reality to notice that him and Kenny were in the room looking like I was about to die and in ways I was. I had given up on everything; life, family, friends because as far as I knew, Stan never wanted to see or hear from me again and that was too much for me to bear, too much for me to lose. I wanted to end it as slowly and as painfully as I could manage so that it would fill the numbness in my heart.

Him lying beside me like this made me stronger each time, like it was some sort of miraculous cure that could even ward off death itself. I drank it in as he gazed into me, his 'Stan-smile' plastered across his face.

"Sorry I couldn't talk to you properly earlier, dude" he said apologetically "Wendy sprung herself on me as usual."

"That's okay" I lied, thinking about the last response I gave him when he had said this to me on that Friday afternoon after school had finished Perhaps I was thinking a little too much? "Any problems with you and her?"

I nearly slap a hand to my mouth as I realise my slip-up. He looks at me funnily.

"What gave you the impression something's wrong?"

"Uhh, nothing! I just saw the way you looked kind of upset earlier on today" I lied quickly. He continued looking at me before backing off.

"Yeah, you saw that huh?" He asks and I nod. "She's been acting weird lately, like I can tell she's hiding something."

"How do you mean?" I ask, feeling ecstatic at the confirmation of Kenny's news.

"Whenever she sees me she runs in and kisses me, it's not like love kisses though" he added "it's like she's doing it to apologise or to stop herself from feeling guilty about something"

"Huh," I ask, feigning concern and worry "That _is_ weird" Stan turns to me looking worried.

"Do you know anything, Ky?" he asks me

"Nothing, dude" I lie "why would I? She's _your_ girlfriend."

"Yeah I know but... ah i dunno. You'd tell me if there _was_ something up though wouldn't you?"

"You're my best friend dude, of course I would" I say, the lie tearing a hole in my soul and conscience. Its true though; technically I didnt _know_ anything. I had only heard a rumour. "Maybe you should talk to her?" I added "talk to her, tell her what you told me and get to the bottom of all this that way." Stan looks back at me, more confident this time.

"Yeah, you're right" he says, pressing a button on the side of the leather that brushes against my fingers, making my quiver. His chair shoots upright and he stands up, presumably going to talk to Wendy. Maybe break up? I could only hope.

I sat back in my chair, tempted to twiddle my fingers like an evil genius you'd see on TV. I awaited the results of this 'talk' that Stan would have with great anticipation. I turn over in my seat-turned-bed and gaze out of the window, watching the distant scenery go by before it becomes a blur and I had drifted off into the warm darkness that was sleep once again, my mind swimming with Stan, Twizzlers and blowjobs.

...

"Uh, hey! Kyle! We're here!" Came Butters' voice sitting next to me.

"Mmh-wha?" I murmur as I wake up and smack my lips together, my mouth tasted of orange, coffee and... popcorn? I think it was popcorn. I realise where we are and turn to Butters, a smile is plastered on his face. I smile too, knowing that we weren't long away from an experience we had all fantasised about going to for the past two years.

We had arrived well in advance for the show so we could get right up at the front and also maybe see the man himself before he arrived. We all clambered off the bus and gazed up at the arena where he would be playing, speechless. We were all so excited and wore the same expression as we wandered around, trying to find the back-stage entrance.

"You guys! Over here!" It was Cartman and he was sprinting frantically over to a small group of people and an approaching coach similar in size to ours. It could only mean one thing. "Come on, let's fucking go already!" He shouted before turning on his heels and sprinting toward the bus and the crowd. It took a second before we all took off after him, overtaking him with ease. "You guys... assholes...ohmygod...can't do this bullcrap!" he panted as we left the fatass in the dust.

The steel railings shook as we each slammed into them, Stan first followed by Token, Clyde, Kenny, Tweek, Craig, me, Butters, Wendy and Bebe. Cartman wasn't anywhere to be found. We got there just in time and cheered as he stepped off of the bus in all of his glory wearing the swiss-cheese mouse head, my favourite. He paused after waving to the small crowd before removing it and placing on his signature red cap. He was wearing a 'My Little Pony' t-shirt, a show which I fucking despised yet he made it look cool.

"Hi guys, thanks for coming!" He said happily as he walked up to the railings. "I just wanna do a quick shoot for my Facebook page Just like, fucking, cheer or whatever." He pulled out an odd looking camera and switched it on to film and we all began screaming ridiculously, similar to the scene at dinner last night. "Alright, that's awesome!" he said laughing. "Thanks guys!" he said as he put the camera back into his bag and produced a pen for autographs.

"I want your babies, Joel!" cheered Kenny and the whole crowd burst out laughing, including deadmau5, good ol' Kenny. He got closer to us and I produced my ticket for him to sign. "Hey" I said nervously as he came up to me.

"Hi, who should I make this out to?"

"Erm, Kyle, please!" I squeaked.

"No problem, Kyle" he said as he scribbled over the card "I'll see you inside!"

"Thanks!" I said, taking the card back from him and looking down at it appreciatively.

"Bu-Butters, sir!" He squeaked as Joel came up to him. He looked at him and raised his eyebrows.

"That is one cool fucking name, dude!" He said and Butters turned crimson.

"R-really? Thankyou sir!"

"Awesome, thanks for coming and stop calling me sir!" He laughed nervously as Butters' smile got larger and larger.

"Ooh-la-lolly!" He swooned as Joel moved on to sign the rest of the fans, signing tickets and T-shirts and even to his amazement, an iPad produced to him by Token, typical Token.

"Thanks for coming guys, I'll see you inside! Lets have a good fucking night!" He said as he entered the arena.

"Cartman?" asked Bebe when the red, sweaty mess arrived.

"What? Did I-" he looked off at the fans who were now leaving to go into the building. "Oh... GOD DAMMIT!" he yelled, kicking one of the metal barriers, realising he had finished signing. "Shut up Jew!" he shouted, seeing me laughing. I almost didn't notice Wendy giggle too as he raged on.

...

Stan could see my distress as we moved further and further into the crowds and instinctively took hold of my hand, smiling at me. I smiled back at him lovingly, my fear vanishing in a heartbeat as soon as I looked into his eyes. We are almost first in line so we get the best places possible in the arena; front and centre. The atmosphere is charged with anticipation as people flood in more and more to fill up the arena. All that is in front of me is the stage so crowds aren't much of an issue. Stan is right next to me the whole time, his presence makes me feel safe as ever.

Time drags on but the lights finally dim and the crowd starts to cheer. This is it. The moment I have been waiting two years for. I look to Stan, he is shaking with excitement. "Happy birthday, dude!" I squeak before it begins.

I scream as 'Where's my Keys' is played, realising that he's using the same intro to his show that I have watched countless times; the 'Meowingtons Hax 2K11' intro. Then the bass comes on, holy fucking shit! It rattles through me and around me like a tidal wave.

Then the music slows and the curtain drops to reveal his signature LED cube with the man himself perched atop it, waving. The crowd screams and tears of pure fucking awesomeness well up in my eyes as the music for the song swells. I reach out, not quite sure what it would accomplish, but doing so anyway, living the dream. He waves and the music pauses again before the bass comes back, hard.

I lose my shit at that point. My body is pulled around by the music, dancing like a rag-doll unaware of skill or technique, just simply allowing the music to lead me into this deep primal corner of my being that only it could do. The cube lights up and I sink deeper and deeper into blissful euphoria, into sweet nothing.

...

It was everything, everything I could have possibly dreamt it to be and even more. I know it was only music but it was a mixture of several things that made this experience the best of my life; the atmosphere, the music carrying me in and out of oblivion and having all my friends to share it with was what elevated this from good to holy-fuck-amazeballs! There was having a child, having sex then there was this experience which was beyond perfection, elevating me to a new level of euphoria I didn't dream possible.

I was unaware of how much time had passed by the time 'The Veldt' started and the arena filled with the collective voice of thousands all singing:

_Happy life with the machines, scattered around the room. Look what they made, they made it for me; happy technology!_

The peaceful, tranquil number ended and the music slowed down as the build-up to 'Some Chords' started. I could finally hear myself think, not that it was a bad thing.

"Oh my god! You guys, this is so fucking awesome!"

"I am having the best time!"

"You guys, I think I crapped my pants!"

"I'm so fucking hard right now Tweek!"

The voices shouted off all around me but I paid little attention to what they were or who was saying them, I was diverted entirely to my favourite deadmau5 track that was getting closer and closer to that monumental drop that made me fall in love with his music to begin with.

And it happened. It was like when Stan touched me; all my senses left me only this time it was hearing that stayed. It was an aural orgasm, pure bliss. I bounced around, grabbing hold of whoever I could find, screaming, unphased by the crowds or who I grabbed hold of. Just jumping, dancing, screaming.

One thing that was unique to these kind of live performances was the artist's transition into the next track and this time was no exception. It moved almost seamlessly into 'Professional Griefers', Stan's favourite. I saw his eyes glisten with tears of joy as Gerard Way's voice boomed around the arena

God, can't, HEAR, you!

They, will, FIGHT you!

Watch, them, build, a, friend, just, LIKE, you!

Again, everyone knows the words and the floor shakes with the crowds bouncing up and down in time to this insane beat. I lift my head upward and close my eyes, preparing to roar out the chorus But then I find I can't; my lips are stuck together. It takes me a second to realise I can't dance either, something is holding onto me by the hips.

I open my eyes and gasp as they meet with Stan's. They are closed as he crushes his lips against mine, licking my lips that pry apart with ease as my mind whirls at a thousand miles an hour, struggling to piece together exactly what the fuck is going on. I feel his moans and he pushes himself harder onto me like a wild animal. It takes me a second but I kiss him back harder than any dream, tasting and lavishing its reality, not caring about who was around us or near us. His tongue melds against mine and I know then that it is. It feels way way better than the dream and I melt on the spot, my knees buckling and I fall to the ground, dizzy as I try to absorb everything. It was bad enough with the music but now this? This was too much for me to handle.

As our kiss breaks, he gazes at me with that same look he had when he touched me. The ambient smile fades and he seems to awaken from what just happened. I can see him mouth something but, fuck, I cant hear it for shit. He looks terrified and moves away through the crowd. I reach out for him, still dazed but he's gone off somewhere. I can only stay where I am, away from crowds, and enjoy the rest of the music; something I find easy to accomplish.

...

'Strobe' finishes, knelling the concert to a close. My feet feel broken, my eyes are crusty from the tears of happiness, my fucking t-shirt is nowhere to be found and I'm covered in a layer of sweat; both mine and everyone else's from the past three hours of awesomeness.

"What a fucking night!" Yells Joel, descended from the cube and removing his helmet. "You guys are awesome, you rocked my fucking ear off!" he pulls off an ear and holds it up to the crowd as they cheer. "I thought it was raining in here but it's just sweat. You guys taste great! Thanks guys, see you next time!" And with that, deadmau5 is over.

I shudder almost post-orgasmically for about five minutes as the crowd slowly leaves, allowing us to move out too. It's only when I get outside and breathe in the air, fresh and cool, that what happened inside during 'Professional Griefers' really has its impact on me.

Stan had kissed me, _for real!_ Stan had fucking _kissed_ me! There was no way in hell he coul-

I stopped myself dead at this thought. No. I was _not_ going down this road again, it would only lead to more fighting and I was so scared of how he would react this time. No, I'll leave it up to him, that's twice he's done stuff to me now, I think that speaks for itself.

"Hey, were the fuck did you go?" Clyde asks as Stan approaches.

"I got lost in the crowd when I went to take a piss, dude" he lies "it was fucking insane in there in the middle of it all!"

"That was fucking awesome" says Kenny flatly, unable to find the strength to show any emotion in his words. If it had been a few hours ago he would have been screaming but now he was just as worn out as the rest of us. It was a tired but a good tired. I try desperately to meet Stan's eyes as I head onto the bus but he avoids them purposefully. What's his fucking game?

We all fell into a deep sleep as the bus trundled home, the many facilities remaining unused throughout the whole journey. As I drift off, I notice Stan looking at me from the opposite aisle, he quickly looks away when he notices me watching. I failed to notice the look that Wendy was giving him as my eyelids closed, pulling me into blissful slumber.


	13. Home

It has certainly been a while hasnt it! When I started these I had just started college and after leaving home, my family, my friends and my lover I was going through all sorts of emotional conflict so I guess I channeled that into this writing. It wasnt long before I made new friends, got settled in and was gradually bogged down by college work. Still, I want to finish this well and finish it I shall! As well as write other stuff for other shows so stick with me and enjoy the ride! Thanks.

* * *

Never. Not in a million fucking years could I have imagined the turn of events that would await me on our return to South Park. Heres me thinking things were bad now? Oh boy, was _I_ in for a world of shit.

The stopping of the bus roused me and it was the cold prickling sensation on my cheek that made my eyes open to see Cartman's smug sneer as he held the magic marker to my face, ready to draw fuck knows what.

"Fuck off Cartman!" I snap, brushing him off. He laughed as he left the bus with the others, me falling behind. No sign of Stan nor Wendy but there would be plenty of time to talk later, now I had to go home and get a few things for the night, as well as do my utmost to avoid awkward looks from my mother.

"Oh no you don't motherfucker!" - It was Kenny, he rushed up to me face bright red.

"What is it?" I asked him.

"Sca!" he replied, his abbreviation for scandal "and it concerns you jew boy!"

"Go ahead, please!" I beg him, knowing that Stan had to be in this somewhere.

"Well, you saw Wendy give Stan the cold shoulder before we got on the bus, right?" I nodded eagerly. "Well, I heard herself talking to Bebe, right? Well she says she totally saw Stan kiss you or something dude!"

He laughed at the end like it was ridiculous but quickly stopped himself noticing how scarlet i was getting.

"Oh, dude... no... he did not!" He gasped, I nodded looking him straight in the eye, unable to repress a smile at the thought of it, the memory. His jaw dropped open like in a Johnny Bravo cartoon. "Wait, wait, wait, wait, let me get this clear. Did Stan kiss you or did you kiss him? Who struck first?"

"Em, he did" I laughed at his last question but then stopped as a realization washed over me and my face lost its newly gained colour. "Wendy saw it?"

"Yep" he said, giving me a look that said it all. "She said she needs to hear it from Stan himself, she sounded more in disbelief than anger so things may work out. That is..." he paused, giving me a shifty look, "if you want them to?"

"Fuck off Ken, you know well I, you know, like him but I still want him to be, like, happy too even if it is with someone else"

"Dude, I was just fucking with you. Besides, I usually have a way with noticing these things and I'm pretty sure they'll work it out."

"Yeah" I said, reassured. "They'll be fine. Wanna walk to mine? I have to get a few bits for tonight."

We set off, he had to drop into his place for booze so I carried on alone, wondering if what Kenny said would be true. Part of me, a very tiny voice in me wanted it not to be.

* * *

I wiped my feet on the mat outside, careful to get rid of any dirt that would piss off my mom. I knew she would act differently around me after my little... outburst but I wouldn't act any differently around her to show that Im still the same kid. Bracing myself, I put my key in the lock and turned.

It didn't budge.

"Left the fucking keys in again..." i mutter to myself. She would just love me now if I had to wake her up in the middle of the night. Still, nothing I could do. I rang the bell, maybe she was awake or dad even. The front room's lights were on and I could faintly hear the TV. It switched off so I knew someone was coming and the large outline told me who it was. She left some binbags by the front door, Id take them out for her to stay on her good side, she'd probably ask me later anyways.

Before I could do anything, The lock turned and the door opened to reveal mom and dad standing in the doorway ashen-faced. "Hi guys, sorry I had to ring, you must have left the key..."

I was cut off by mom who had moved into my path and blocked the door. "There wasn't a key in the lock Kyle" she said, emotionless. I looked at her, confused. I chuckled and tried again, this time Dad held out a hand to stop me.

"Wha... what are you guys doing?" I look at them, really confused. Then it hit me. The lock was unusually shiny, it wasn't ours, it had been changed. It hit me again as I caught a glimpse of blue in one of the black bin bags. It wasn't trash, it was my stuff!

My blood ran icy cold as realization crashed over me like tidal waves. I panic and my breathing quickens. "What? What is this? What are you doing? Why..."

"We are a religious people, Kyle. We can't have your kind in this house. Your things are there and your keys do not work anymore. Leave."

I knew it already but to mom say it knocked the wind out of me and I stumbled backward, horrified.

"But, mom! Dad!" I say desperately, my voice cracking, my eyes watering "I have nowhere else to go!"

"Try living with your fucking faggot friend!" Snarled dad.

"NO! YOU DONT GET IT!" I roar, "ITS NOT LIKE THAT!"

"We know what it is Kyle." My mother's voice and face retain the same expression "your father and I have discussed this. We wont have homosexuals in this house."

This was a dream, this was a sick twisted dream. I'm not here I'm on the bus, I'm coming home now, Eric is about to draw on my face, I AM NOT HERE!

But no matter how much I silently will myself to wake up, I don't. Mom and dad are still standing at the door. I am still out in the cold.

"Please" is all I am able to whimper as a single tear splashes onto the mat, it starts to freeze in seconds.

"Please"

The door shuts quietly in the night and I go numb again. I bend down to grab handfuls of the bags and turn around, leaving the house I used to call home behind me. I think I hear my name being called. Its muffled but clear enough to hear, I look up.

Its Ike and he's clinging to bars on his window, I had not noticed these and I looked on in horror at my brother clinging onto them, realizing the extent of my parent's wrath. They must have put the bars there to stop him from escaping and maybe coming to help me.

"I love you" he mouths, tears streaming down his face. "I love you"

I turn away and walk, allowing a final few tears to escape me.

How I envy them.

* * *

Sorry chapter was short but I am getting back into this so expect more regular updates, Thanks and don't forget to R&R!


	14. Party

**As I said before, regular updates now. Thanks so much for all the reviews and so forth, keep them going :D Shifting between Kenny and Kyle in this chapter, sorry if it confuses.**

* * *

Kenny's POV:

"Ken, that you?" It was dad, he was panned out on the couch and slurred his words. He was obviously drunk again but not so much as in the proverbial darker days. Since he got himself that job he didn't drink anywhere near as much as he used to and I cannot even remember the last time he was violent or aggressive, to anyone! If he wasn't aggressive, then a few drinks every now and then was fine by me.

"Yeah, just getting some stuff for Stan's" I called back as I entered dad's 'study'. His stash wasn't exactly well-hidden and was just begging, pleading to be taken by someone who had a greater need for it. That someone being me, of course!

I took care to avoid any clinking as one by one I raided his stash, my loot amounting to 12 beers, a half-full bourbon, a quarter full whiskey and nearly a liter of vodka. More than enough for the guys to party on, the ones who drink that is.

Me? I had been drinking since... well, for as long as I can remember I guess. From when the mother used to bring me out of a faint with a glass of whiskey or to offer me her favorite cocktail in my bottle, drink was just like fucking water to me now.

I silently prayed the tattered rucksack wouldn't give way with the weight of all the drink, it dragged down on my back but I think It'll be ok. Now to sneak past dad, shouldn't be too difficult considering how he was dru-

"And where do you think you're going, son?" Fuck.

"Eh, to Stan's dad..." I reply hesitantly.

"I mean, where do you think you're going with all that drink?" Balls!

"What drink?"

"The liquor in that bag son, I'm not stupid I can see it you know" I was in for it now, oh boy... "Wait here" he said, suddenly springing to his feet. I furrow my eyebrows at him in confusion as he stumbles into his room and emerges a few minutes later, dusting off a small dark brown bottle with no label on it.

"What's this?" I ask as he hands it to me.

"You kids and your drink" he slurs "You think you know drink, boy? You haven't seen shit yet! This is the strongest drink on the planet, son" he says. "It's Irish, they call it 'Putcheen'"

"Put-cheen" I sound it out. It has an odd name, like for a vegetable, not something I would call a drink anyway.

"One shot of this and you'll be on your ass, two and you'll be on another ass!" he laughs heartily "oh and of course take these" he says handing me two condoms.

"Dad..." I blush.

"Don't care, if you get a girl pregnant before your 21 I'll rip 'em off, ok?"

"Yes sir" I gulp.

"Now go on, you've a party to go to. And if I catch you taking my drink again, I'll shove every bottle you take up your ass! It'll be like, a choo-choo train or a chain or... " he slurs, becoming incoherent.

"Yeah, thanks dad" I say as he stumbles back to the couch and carries on watching TV. My dad was still such a redneck but he was fucking cool too, I mean how many dad's would give their fourteen year old son's drink and condoms? I smile to myself as I walk up the driveway and I see Kyle walking on. That retard forgot to wait for me.

"Hey!" I call out to him. He continues to walk on like he didn't even hear me. "Kyle! Hold up!" I then notice as I run up to him, what he is carrying. "Dude, what's with all the bags, you're not moving in with him already are you?" I laugh as we walk. He doesn't say a word. His face is ashen and emotionless.

"Dude seriously, you okay?" I ask him, no response. He must have had a fight with his folks or something but that didn't explain the bags, hmmm. I'll ask later, let him loosen up at the party first so he'll talk more.

We walk on in silence, the gentle rustling of Kyle's bags the only noise to be heard as they bounce up and down.

...

Stan's party was well and truly under way, I didn't expect it to be wild or anything close as we were all so tired but music was blaring and people dancing on chairs and tables, damn!

"Kenny! Kyle!" Everyone calls out in near unison as we walk in, like something out of Cheers. I produce the liquor and more cheering erupts as people grab glasses, fruit juices to mix and of course the booze.

"Dude! Thanks for bringing all this booze!" Says Stan, throwing an arm around me. Although I only see a few beers lying around, he seems as drunk as my father.

"Ha! You are not actually drunk already, you lightweight!" I tease

"Fuck off, dude I've had like, 10 beers" He punches me playfully.

"Yeah, I'm sure. Getting fucked up tonight are we? You're only Fifteen once!" I agree with him falsely as I note how there seems to be no more than 5 lying around shared between all these people. Still, I almost envied him. It would take me well into a few glasses of vodka to even get tipsy, my threshold was through the roof. Ah well, more for me I guess!

It hits me that I should probably tell Stan to talk to Wendy in light of what I heard on the bus coming back so I head over to the lounge a short while later to find him dancing his ass off in the midst of Clyde, Butters, Bebe Token and a very relaxed-looking Tweek, like a fucking paradox. It took me a while to recover from laughing at him before I went over and tapped his shoulder,

"Uhm, dude listen I was sitting on the bus behind Wendy and Bebe right?" I begin

"Yeah, go on"

"And they were talking and... dude you just need to go talk to Wendy. Like, now."

"What's going on?"

"Never mind the full details Stan" I said, avoiding the whole kissing thing, even though I'd say he knew the reason. "Just get her somewhere quiet and talk to her, for your sake dude." Stan seemed to sober up at this and he nodded shakily.

"Alright, I'll find her. Thanks."

"No problem dude, let me know how it goes afterward. Don't mention I told you anything!" I quickly add. He nods and jogs off to find his girlfriend. Maybe now I could relax a little, pour a drink or two... or three hehe.

...

An hour or so into the party and I collapse onto the couch, Kyle is next to me holding a glass of whiskey, occasionally drinking from it and he still has that same blank expression from when we first got here. Something was definitely wrong, I had to talk to him.

"That's it!" I say, pulling him up and leading him upstairs, bringing the bottle of Jack with me. Stan's room is empty so we take that one. Kyle has left his black bags here already and for a moment I contemplate looking in them to see if they had any answers. I cant help but notice him eying up my drink so I hold it out to him and he takes it.

What shocks me this time is how he drinks. After a gulp or two I always find myself either pulling back or gagging but not Kyle. He takes it in like water, gulp after gulp after gulp and continues to until I pull it away from him.

"Jesus dude! Since when were you able to handle the drink?" He looks back at me and his eyes show me how he really feels. The sadness in them is so overwhelming. I sit down next to him.

"Okay Kyle, time to talk. I know that look anywhere and it" He turns his head to me and stares into my eyes.

"I..." he began before his voice cracked. Being the good friend, I put my arm around his shoulder and pulled him close.

"Go on" I pried.

"My... mom and dad..." he croaked. I nodded encouragingly, fearful thoughts coming into my head. They weren't dead or something were they?

"They... they kicked me out" he whimpered and as if a switch had been thrown, Kyle's eyes began to spill tears. I sat there, stunned.

"What do you mean they kicked you out?" I asked gently, shocked and unable to believe what Kyle was saying.

"Mom must have told dad what she heard me say earlier and you know those black bags? The ones I had with me? They left them at the door, they changed the lock as well" Kyle's was becoming more emotional and just I sat there listening, unable to react, shocked at what I was hearing.

"They even put bars on Ike's window, Kenny. Bars! Like he was an animal or something! Jesus Christ, he did nothing wrong!" I decided to stop him there, he was crying hard at this stage and I could barely understand him.

"Hold on a second, you- listen to me- you did absolutely noting wrong Kyle okay? You must understand that, you did nothing wrong! Tell me you understand." He nods. "Don't you ever forget it, this is none of your doing, just your fucking parents." I shake him a few times to help drive in what I was telling him.

"Maybe this is their way of coming to terms with it, I'm sure they're not actually kicking you out properly" I say, more to reassure myself than him that all was going to be ok. What a lie.

"I don't think so..." Kyle whispered, tears still flowing.

Some time had passed and the shock had given way to anger. How the hell can any human do something like that to their own child? What kind of monster throws out a fourteen year old for being who they are, something beyond their control? And locking up an eight year old for wanting to help their big brother? That is fucked up!

Rather than rage on and on to myself, I calm down and focus on comforting Kyle in the warmth of his crush's room because God knows, he will need it.

* * *

Kyle's POV

Kenny rubs my shoulder as I cry into his. God, I had turned into such a pussy lately, always crying and shit. Still, it was all warranted by a lot of fucked up shit has happened to me lately. It seemed unlikely that things could get any worse than they are but I wouldn't tempt fate.

They say a smile can hide a thousand tears, so I wear one. Works for me!

"Kenny?" He looks up, sighing and wipes away some tears of his own. I was touched any time Kenny showed feelings like this for me, it was nice. At the same time I felt a certain amount of guilt that I was being such an emotional burden on him. It was taking its toll.

"Yeah?"

"I'm gonna go downstairs now" I say "I fancy another drink"

"You sure you okay?" He asks me hesitantly.

"Yeah Im okay, thanks man, you've been like, the best friend ever lately." He smiled.

"You're welcome but that position still belongs to Stan doesn't it? Which reminds me actually I need to talk to him. Talk to you in a bit."

"Sure, Ken" I say, standing up and quickly grabbing the bottle to take with me.

I'm a good liar. I'm not okay, I'm pretty fucking far from okay right now; I'm homeless, my best friend kisses me, touches me and now wont talk to me, my parents don't want to know me either and... I think I'm catching a cold now. Great, just fucking great! Drink will soothe the pain...

...

I stumble, quite literally across some of this clear liquid in a small brown bottle and sip from it. It scalds, white hot and I gasp as it runs down into me, carrying the sensation with it. I have no thirst, just this desire to drink more and more, to take in more and more poison so I can get my mind off of things. And good fucking god, It's working.

"Dude! Fuck off!" It's Token and Ive just crashed into him

"Quit your bitchin' and lighten the fuck up!" I laugh, stumbling to my right and crashing into Butters.

"Well h-hey now Kyle, you don't look so good why don't you l-lie down for a while" He suggests, looking worried.

"Well b-b-b-butters, why don't you f-f-f-fuck off!" I snap back, poorly imitating him. He looks affronted and turns away.

"I was only trying to help..." he says quietly before he saunters off.

"What is your problem? Why are you being so mean to everyone?" Bebe asks, offended.

"Yeah!" Cartman has joined the small group surrounding me now. Crowds... I wasn't liking this... "You realize how much of a waste of life you are yet or what?"

"Fuck you you fat fucking mongoloid motherfucking... turd eating, shit kicking, insecure..." I trail off, my long string of insults unable to find a suitable conclusion and I look like an ass.

"I think you need to go home, Kyle" Clyde says and Token nods

"Oh yeah, agree with the white guy, fucking typical!" I slur.

"Whoa hold on, the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Token was about to leave me till my cheap racial shot caught his attention. My first and last. Everyone was looking at Token now and if I wasn't so wasted I'd realize why. He looked murderous.

"I said, what fuck is that supposed to mean, Kyle?" Things were beginning to go south very fast but I didn't notice. Or maybe I did and just didn't care.

"Token come on now, easy, he's really really drunk right now you can see that" Craig had joined the group now and tried with great difficulty to pull Token away and gradually succeeded.

"Why are you being such a dick dude? We've all been drinking yet you're the only one acting like an ass, why don't you get the fuck out and go home!"

"Yeah, fucking racist!" snarled Clyde.

"The doors right over there dude" Craig said "bang it on the way out, fuck face."

My response was so perfectly timed, the CD had just finished the last track and nearly everyone was silent so my words rang out for all to hear.

"What, like how you were banging Tweek this morning?"

A small gasp rang out and all eyes turned to Craig and Tweek.

"OH JESUS! OH FUCKING JESUS! MY LIFE IS OVER! IM GONNA HAVE TO MOVE AWAY! IM GONNA HAVE TO JOIN A CIRCUS! A FREAK CIRCUS! WAAAAHHHH!" was all that could be heard as Tweek bolted for the door and down the street.

I continued on this rampage of self-destruction.

"Yeah that's right, I caught these two going at it like rabbits in Craig's room. I should've brought you guys some carrots or something. Tweek was su-" I was cut off by a pulling sensation, my hair. I didn't even register Craig's furious movements towards me or him knocking off my hat and grabbing a fistful of my red curls. It took a sharp tug to send me stumbling toward the open front door and a final kick to send me flying out into the cold wearing only my usual jeans and white tee.

The cold ground doesn't register either and I still feel warm but I do notice Craig pacing toward me, I lazily raise a hand but he kicks it away and brings his foot down onto my face, hard. Now that I do feel and I feel the crunching of my nose as it breaks like gravel under his boot.

"I swear on my fucking mother, if I ever see you again you're DEAD!" He snarls before flipping me off and returning inside to the others.

I am left outside, alone, to my world of shit where I belong.

I fucking relish it.

* * *

Kenny's POV

God, these past few days have been good for future career options and choices if anything. I'd say with all the shit I've been up to, counsellor or relationship advisor would be right at the top of the list.

I took yet another swig of that Putcheen. What a fucking shock, poor guy. Here's me whining about having to help and being poor and he doesn't even have a place to call home anymore or a family that wants him. Those bastards.

I would definitely deal with this more effectively sober so now, I need to talk to Stan and see if everything's okay with him, as I'm sure it is, before I collapse on a sofa somewhere.

"Back yard!" said a voice from behind me as if they had read my mind, it was Wendy, she was storming out of the front door so I didn't have time to ask her whats up, I guess it would have to be just Stan for now.

The night air was cold but a different kind of cold ran through me when I saw the figure slumped onto a bench, shaking.

"Oh no..." I groan to myself as I break into a jog, the worst case scenario coming to be. I sit down next to him and gently place an arm around him. "What happened?"

"Its over Kenny. It's all over." Is all he can say.

Fuck, worst fears confirmed. How the fuck did that happen, she seemed relatively calm about the whole kiss thing. Then again, how could one truly be calm after seeing their boyfriend kiss another boy?

"Oh God Stan, I'm so sorry, I..." A wave of nausea washes over me and I suddenly vomit onto the snow.

"God dammit Kenny." Stan sighs as he moves away from me. I quickly recover as though it was nothing.

"So what did she uhmm say?" I am slurring heavily now, something is wrong here, I'm getting worse by the second and I am never this bad.

"She said she..." he trailed off. "No, wait! Fuck this! Where's that fucking asshole Kyle! This is his fault! He's gonna fucking pay!"

Oh fuck! He's going after him! I reach out to stop him when I suddenly vomit again. The snow is stained crimson this time and I come to a chilling realization.

"Oh no, not now!" I groan to myself as I try to reach out for Stan who has now taken off at a brisk pace. Out of all the times I have died, this one has decided to come at the worst possible moment, my punishment for drinking too much. I try to fight it and stand up to stop him but he is even further away from me now.

I fall face first onto the cold snow and I can hear commotion from inside the house. I distinguish Clyde's voice then Token's then Kyle's then Tweek's. I wonder what all the commotion is in there.

My eyes flutter to a close as I spend the last moments of this life praying that Stan doesn't do anything stupid before I wake up.

And then, like the countless other times, death doesn't take but rather borrows me.

* * *

**Thanks for reading, stay tuned! Or... whatever :D**


	15. The Walk

**Kyle's POV**

"Ugh, where am I?" I groan to myself, slumping onto the sidewalk. I had got it into my head to walk, just walk. No destination, no purpose, I just needed to walk as far as I could away from Stan's. In the state I was in, I didn't get far though.

I tilted my head to rest on my shoulder, I was near my school and a few stores which I could see further off into the distance and a forest. I decided to pull myself up and head there.

I had somewhat sobered up at this stage, gotten sick earlier so that helped and I could see clearly in every sense of the word. I don't think the enormity of what I did has quite sunk in just yet. I pledge to myself to never drink again, this time would be both my first and my last.

I reach the first tree and snap off a dry stick from a fallen branch. The snow melts and moistens it but it is still dead, no life will return. I hit it off of each tree as I pass them and contemplate my predicament; no home, no family and no friends. What now? My stuff was still in Stan's so no chance of going back to get it now; he hates me, I'm sure. I've confused him and messed him all up now and destroyed what remained of our friendship, just like with everyone else. It was all my fault.

Maybe I could stay with Kenny? He's the last person I have left in this world, I had driven everyone else away. "No" the voice in my head told me "Kenny? He's just being nice because you have nobody else. He doesn't really like you, nobody does."

I sobbed as I pushed further and further into the forest, it was true. I had driven him away as well. What with my whining and moaning and crying and all my problems he must hate me. I never, not once bothered to ask him anything; how _he_ felt, if there was anyone that _he _liked or any problems he had. It was all me, me, fucking me! The next time I see him, I swear the first thing I will talk about is him.

But then again, he wouldn't talk to me either. He never will again, I've driven him nuts and drove him away. My last solitude was gone.

I had already cried so much I think I was becoming dehydrated. It baffles me how much I can pour out. As soon as I think it's over I start again, crying twice as hard. Not this time though, I really think all my tears are used up.

I feel practically nothing now except the cold. My fingers are visibly blue and they've never been before. I think the sweat has frozen my tee shirt to my chest but I don't check it, I just keep going, keep walking.

...

It's late and I really am tired now. There is a clearing further ahead so I speed up, maybe somewhere I can sleep tonight, somewhere even half warm. I burst through a clump of bushes, ignoring the thorns as they pierce my skin and take in my surroundings. It as a totally open clearing with a large pond in the centre of it. A lone tree stood short at the opposing end and to it's left, a large near-perfectly round boulder. The pond was smaller than Stark's but more defined, more natural-looking. The place really was beautiful, I wonder if I'm the first to discover it.

I walk to the rock and sit, allowing myself to relax when all at once I am struck with several things. The first is the cold which now that I have stopped walking, really hits me like a diamond bullet. The second is the pang of regret and remorse of what happened in Stan's.

"Oh God" I moan silently as I replay my actions in my head. "Oh God!" I moan louder as I get to the part where I am racist to Token; something I have never been before. And then I get to Craig. "OH JESUS CHRIST, WHAT HAVE I DONE?" I roar into the cold night before bursting into tears. They come back with a vengeance as the last of the alcohol leaves me and I curl into a ball, sobbing harder than I ever have done with the painful guilt and regret.

"I am the worst human being ever."

That thought repeats itself over and over in my head. "I really am a bad person. I don't deserve to li-" WHOA! Steady there, stay away from those thoughts.

But... I can't deny its truth. I mean look how much I've ruined Craig and Tweek's lives, look at Stan and how much I've messed him up. He was my best friend and I tore him down because I'm a fucking faggot and couldn't get my own way

"_I love Wendy, not you. Freak!" _

I should have just let him go there but no, I didn't. I messed him up so bad he even kissed me! I really don't deserve to live.

Besides, if I went who would miss me? My parents who threw me out? Stan who I had messed up? Kenny who I had driven mad? Or anyone else I had managed to fuck over in the past twenty four hours. No, no one will even notice I'd say.

I stand up and lean against the rock, breathing the night air in and out, relishing it. The pond really is beautiful, I hope nobody else discovers this. That way it would be mine forever, the last thing I have left. The water is calm, not even the gentle snowflakes that fall disturb the crisp clear surface.

I stand up straight and take off my shoes, gently placing them next to the rock, then my socks which I put into each shoe. The cold of the snow on my feet is immense. Then I take off my tee shirt and see that it really has stuck to me! It tugs at my skin before finally giving way and coming off. I fold it and place it under the shoes.

I was always so neat and organized, maybe I would be remembered for that? You know the way you see in some interviews with sick freaks like me they say things like "oh, I never would have thought it. He seemed so calm and relaxed, very organized young man, always neat and tidy. Maybe that would be me next time?

Ha! Who am I kidding? Some nobody offs themselves in a shitty little town full of rednecks? Yeah sure! Call in the cameras why not? As fucking if!

My jeans fall off of me then my boxers fall suit until I stand there totally naked. The cold air wafts through my loins and I gasp. It's okay though, it's a nice feeling. I fold the jean and the boxers into a neat triangle and place them gently next to the shoes and tee shirt.

After a moment to take in my surrounding beauty one last time, I take my first steps into the pond.

The water had surprisingly not frozen and was quite warm. Or was it just so cold I was mistaking it for being warm? Who cares, onward!

Step by step I move further into the water and the level moves further up my body. I barely make a ripple in the pond, it wont ever be spoilt even by the likes of me.

The water comes up to my neck and I cant move anymore. Its so relaxing, so fucking awesome. So... sleepy.

"I love you, Stan" I whisper as my eyelids flutter to a close.

* * *

Sorry if this is becoming too dark! It wont go on forever, I pwomise!

I will update again VERY shortly so sit tight till then and keep up the reviews/faves/follows! :D


	16. Surface

A whisper, a faint echo. I take the plunge, journeying inward. Twisting, contorting, changing.

I am home, sitting at the table, my parents watching me lovingly as I eat cereal. I look to my left, a beautiful girl sits next to me. She smiles but there is something wrong. The smile seems forced, false. I reach out and touch her face, it loosens and I grab handfuls and handfuls of it, pulling till it is all gone, leaving only chocolate brown hair and blue eyes. Stan stares at me, he is afraid. My parents look confused. Stan reaches out and begins to pull at my face. "No!" I scream over and over as Stan gradually removes my face to reveal what lies underneath, the real. My parents smiles vanish. They stand up, ashen, and walk slowly toward me. I am powerless as they effortlessly pick me and Stan up and place us outside the door.

I am in a crowded room holding a machete and a Glock. Although the crowd are all my friends, I am terrified. The room is dead silent. Clyde sees my horror and offers out a helping hand. His face doesn't change when I hack it off and he falls to the floor. I run frantically around the room, screaming and killing my friends. None attempt to stop me. All are dead but one, he lowers his orange hood and suddenly I am paralyzed, rooted to the spot. He reaches out, offering his hand for me to take while a tsunami of blood crashes the walls around us. I can't move, I cant breathe or think. I see his lips move but he makes no sound. The wave crashes into me and suddenly I can hear. It's faint and so familiar and the voice is the only thing. My back hits against something and the voice becomes louder.

...

My eyes spring open and I turn over to vomit, its mostly water. "Oh thank God, thank fucking God!" He sobs, relieved. I turn over and allow my eyes to adjust. The moon frames his face perfectly, like out of a movie.

"Uh?" I mumble, still confused, still not here. I then notice my surroundings. My back is up against the rock by the pond and Stan's hair is plastered to his forehead, soaking wet. The next thing I notice is how he's fucking bare naked and on top of me! He presses himself onto me and wraps me tight, rubbing me all over. I feel warmth return, its certainly no stranger.

He then quickly sets to work pulling my clothes onto me, dressing me haphazardly. I lay limp as he pulls on my boxers, then trousers ending with my tee shirt. When he is finished, I am able to move properly again and I am much more aware of everything. He begins to dress himself.

"How did... you find me?" I ask him after some time. My voice is very hoarse and I can barely get the words out but he hears me anyway and looks confused.

"I... I don't know. How did I get here?" He says to himself. "I left the house, went through town then for some reason I turned off into this forest and I found this area. Then I found those jeans and..." He trailed off, his voice breaking. "Your jeans, they were folded up and I knew straight away they were yours. I could see you so clearly in the water dude."

He pulls his jacket over me and sits next to me. The area is quiet now, the sky is as black as it gets and the area still looked undisturbed as when I first got here, like a blank canvas that repels any paint. Stan slowly wraps his arms around me and I can feel him shake with the tears.

"Why?" He asks, holding onto me. Its almost as if he's afraid that if he lets go I'll be back in the water again. "Is it because of me? Was it because of what happened in the concert? Did I cause this?"

"No!" I croak loudly "Not... you. Never... you"

"Then what? Tell me, Kyle. Tell me everything."

So after a minute to strengthen my vocal chords, I begin to speak and I tell Stan everything. And when I say everything, I mean everything from the game of truth or dare up till now and everything in between. No more secrets, no more lies. It was all or nothing and I didn't exactly have anything to lose here.

It takes me a good twenty minutes to tell him everything and when I do I am breathless. It was all out now, all there is to see now is his reaction. He is quiet and stares blankly at the ground. His hair has dried out a lot now and no longer shines in the moonlight as it did earlier. After what seemed like an age he turned to me, angry.

"Your folks kicked you out!?" I nod. "Those fucking bastards! I mean, excuse me I know it's your family and all but fuck them!"

"Thanks" I smile. "What about... the other stuff?" I ask sheepishly.

"Dude,I'll get back to you. I need like a minute to wrap my head around that"

"Yeah, sure" I say, noticing the expression on his face. "Do you know yet how you found this place?" I ask.

"I really don't know, it's like I didn't even know I was going. I just sort of started walking and-"

"and ended up here!" I say, excited "me too! It's like something was just pulling me along till I got here. Weird." I laugh and he joins me.

"Yeah dude, like a sign or something..." he trails off.

"What?"

"Nothing" he replied "just something I remembered needed to be done later on." There was a few more minutes of silence. It was complete silence; no wind, no rustling just calm.

"Why did you kiss me?" It just slipped out, I nearly slapped a hand over my mouth and awaited his reaction, fearfully. He sighed and looked upwards.

"I've been asking myself why since it happened, Kyle" he began "the music, it just brought me to insane heights of emotion and then..."

"Go on" I eased.

"And then, it just became so intense and all I wanted to do was... kiss you." With that, he quickly stood up and paced toward the tree. He looks like he is desperately trying to fight something in his mind.

"Wait!" I jumped to my feet and followed him, he turned around.

"Look dude, I wish I had answers for you, I really do. I just don't know anymore..." he turns away from me, biting his lower lip.

"It's my fault." I whisper, tears filling my eyes. He turns around at this.

"I fucked you up, Stan. I love you but I didn't want to believe that you didn't feel the same way, I made you confused and you kissed me." My voice becomes hoarse again as I stifle sobs.

"You know, that's why I set out after you" he says absent-mindedly "I was so mad at you and I blamed you for what happened, I was so ignorant, so ignorant of what is right in front of me, crystal clear, of what I see now..."

"No" I sobbed hard, "you weren't, its true. I fucked things up with everyone else and I fucked you up. I didn't deserve to come out of the water, I-" SLAP! His palm knocks me backward into the tree and I wince at the sharp shock of it.

"You fucking asshole, Kyle. You stupid fucking asshole!" Stan cries "you die when I fucking say you can!" And then, just like that, in the most beautiful moment of my life, he kisses me.

It sends me on a whirlwind of ecstasy simply because it's real and it's happening. I am able to focus on it a lot more this time and how fucking amazing it feels, no dreams here. I kiss him back desperately, like he is the last source of oxygen left on earth. My tongue dances with his and fires erupt in me. I await nearly every second to wake up but I don't. I don't!

He pulls away from me, we still hold each others faces. "Wow!" he pants.

"Yeah!" I breathe, my heart doing 90 at least.

We gravitate into embrace again, furiously tearing into eachother, then into eachothers clothes. On the way back to the rock, I rip open his tee and he pulls off mine, we do our best not to stop kissing and I hear Stan groan in protest as I pull away to get my tee shirt off.

One by one, our clothes litter the ground around us but we are far from cold, very fucking far indeed. I quickly throw my jacket onto the rock and Stan pushes me back against it. He pauses and pulls away, staring at me, lavishing me with starving eyes. I look back into his, dying for his touch.

"I've just realized something."

"What?" I ask, almost impatiently.

"This place, I wasn't drawn to this place. I was drawn to you!"

I smile up at him, so besotted, so drunk with affection for him.

"I love you, Kyle" he whispers shakily.

"I love you, Stan" and that was it. The thing I wanted the most. The thing I would trade everything else for.

We tear into eachother like wild animals in the night.

* * *

Told you things would pick up, didn't I? Eh? *Nudge Nudge*

Still plenty left to this tale so stay tuned and keep the reviews/favs etc coming! :D


	17. Style

**Bit of a short chapter this time but a change from the recent doom and gloom. Keep those favs/reviews coming in! Thanks.**

* * *

Stan lets me stay at his place for now, I am greatful that he conjures an excuse to his mom about why I'm here

"Kyle's room is being painted, mom so I'm letting him stay in mine."

"Sure, hun" and that was it, no questions, no waiting for approval, nada. It was like I was family to the Marshes. I sigh to myself as I realize that I have another family and I am not a Marsh, but god dammit I wish I was. This will have to do.

"Okay" began Stan, pulling me onto his puffy winter bed cover. "How do you think we're going to deal with the others?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You know... that whole incident at my party? You pissed off a lot of people dude."

I sigh "yeah, I know"

"It's not your fault" he says, kissing me gently on the cheek, burning it. "They need to know your side of the story, they need to know what your dealing with right now"

I fall back onto the pillow, wishing not to be reminded of all the bad from that night, although it was far outweighed by what happened at that pond.

Our pond.

_It takes me a while to remember everything when I wake up but when I do, oh God! I smile ear-to-ear, then nuzzle into Stan. His back stinks of cold, dried sweat and fornication and I fucking love it. He wakes up and shivers before quickly grabbing his clothes as well as mine and we dress._

_For what seemed like ages, we say nothing because there is nothing to be said. We dress in silence, occasionally stealing glances at eachothers bodies like we were in gym class or something. It seemed like only yesterday we were back in the showers and I would find my eyes wandering as if they had minds of their own. I would quickly get a hold of myself, fill my head with girls and carry on. I see him catch my eye and he smiles, probably thinking the same thing, who knows?_

"_I've never seen or heard of this place before" he breaks the silence "and its so weird how we just happen to find it."_

"_Yeah, totally" I agree, sitting down on the rock with him. The day had warmed up a lot and the snow was nearly all gone. The place still looked astounding without the gentle blanket covering. _

"_I guess I've always known" Stan said, looking off into the distance. "I mean for like, ages I just kept thinking of other stuff when I was with Wendy, things haven't been right for months"_

"_How do you mean?" _

"_Like, if we were kissing for example, my mind would just wander" he pauses and sorts "come to think of it, my thoughts would usually lead to wondering what you were doing or to plans I had later on with you. I thought nothing of it then but then we watched that porno and... you know"_

_I listened attentively, finally having this chance to see into Stan, to know what he was thinking during these moments we had, I say nothing._

"_We did it and I thought nothing of it, I just wanted to try... 'it' on you. And you were loving every second of it and you were moaning and shit and then, that just struck a chord in me, you know? Like, I found something that day and I liked it."_

_He turns to me_

"_I saw you watching me, and God, the way you were writhing and moaning and the feeling of your dick in my hand Kyle, I've never been as horny in my fucking life!"_

_His eyes are burning into me, full of lust just like it was then._

"_I loved it so much, I got hard again dude. It scared me though, I was fucking terrified of this new shit and I didn't know what to do. I was scared, Kyle, so I pushed you away, afraid that I fucked everything up between us. Then you said there was something between us and it was like, the worst thing ever and I... Well, you know the rest."_

_He trails off, I put my arm around him and let him rest his head on me._

"_And then I thought we could just get things back to how they were. I was spending loads of time with Wendy, hell, I was even gonna fuck her last night" he laughs. "But then at that concert, I just went crazy. I think it was like what happened with Kenny and that slut at that Jonas Brothers concert, It was just like something switched on in me and I wanted to attack you and fuck you right on the spot"_

_I almost laughed at that thought, him fucking me in front of 75000 people, imagine that!_

"_And then everything just fell apart. I was getting looks from everyone and Wendy, she saw it clear as day. She fucking dumped me of course..."_

"_Do you regret it?" I ask casually. He doesn't reply but instead continues on with his side of things and I let him._

"_Then she was gone and I got mad... at you. I was stupid, I knew well you did nothing at the concert and that it was all me. Then it all just became clear, you know? Like I had this great big realization and it was you, Kyle. You. Your curly hair, your freckles, your voice, your... everything! When I stormed off after you, I realized I was mad at myself and not you. I was stupid and in love. I still am." He kisses me gently on the lips and they set off a hundred fireworks inside me. _

"_And then last night was just so... God! It made me sure of what I have known for ages!" He cried jumping to his feet "I FUCKING LOVE YOU KYLE!" He roars at the sky, I giggle and pull him back down into a kiss that leaves us breathless._

_We stare into eachothers eyes and laugh, breathlessly till we roll over onto our backs in the grass. Despite what happened yesterday, I haven't been as happy in all my life. It almost scares me, almost._

"_Gotta take a leak dude then let's get out of here."_

"_Mmh" I reply, grabbing all our things and sitting onto the rock one last time. A few minutes later I go over to him at the tree, he had his penknife out and was carving something into the bark. "Whatcha doing?" I ask._

"_Christening the place" he replys._

"_Ha! Do you not think we did that last night?" I snort._

"_I mean properly, I'm giving it a name. Don't look yet, wait till it's done!" A few minutes later I take a look. It looks really well done like a professional job. _

"_I've been telling you for ages, Stan, you are a goddamn artist! This is beautiful!" I exclaim, tracing my fingers over the lettering, the S, the Y, the P, amazed at how smooth the cut into the wood is._

"_Eh, it's alright" he blushes "you like it?"_

_I kiss him on the cheek and pull him into a hug "it's amazing." I reply. _

_With that we both turn toward the opening into the forest where we both came in, walking hand in hand, ready to face South Park. I turn back to look at the pond again and the tree. Even from this distance you can see the carving, almost could read it too._

_STYLE's __Pond_

_Our pond._


	18. FAG

**Glad to see you are all enjoying this, I already have a sequel planned out that I am really excited about. But don't worry, theres still more to come with this one, keep up the ratings etc and thanks for the support :)**

* * *

It had been Stan who had woken me up in the early hours of the morning, promptly hurling the alarm clock at the wall then swearing profusely when it smashed to pieces. I roll over from my side onto my back and stare up at his ceiling. He still had his glow-in-the-dark astronomy chart stuck up there from when he was six. Jesus Christ, it still worked even in this morning light! It was nice to see, like there was this part of Stan's childhood that he would cling onto for as long as he could, keeping the memories tucked in with it.

"Morning Jew!" he says kissing me on the forehead in an almost platonic manner.

"Morning" I reply, allowing myself to wake up.

"Ready to go?" He asks.

"Go whe- oh..." I trail off, my brain suddenly putting two and two together and realizing what day this was. I couldn't do it. I couldn't face a day of stares, inevitable arguments and hostility from everyone that I had wronged.

"Ah man I can't do it, I'm not well" I croak, making sure to cough at the end. Stan turns to me incredulously.

"Bull..." he pauses for emphasis "...shit."

"I'm serious!" I protest "I've got this fever or something dude and I can barely move. It's probably from that night out in the snow or something." That made sense considering the antics we got up to out in the cold at Style's Pond. He had to buy it.

"Fair enough" he nods. Phew! "But if you're really sick, then I guess you wouldn't be up for a little..." and in a fluid movement, he lies back onto the bed and moves his hand down my chest and under my waistband. The oxygen in the room seems to leave me.

"Oh!" I gasp, twitching a little as his hand reaches its destination in my PJ's. "What are you-?"

"Shhhh" he hushes me and gently pushes my head back onto the pillow before he sets to work. My breathing becomes little more than gasps and without even knowing that I am doing it, I start to writhe helplessly under the covers as he rubs me painfully slowly.

He has obviously had practice on himself, his hand slowly speeds up and his grip tightens and loosens at just the right moments. Every time seems to bring out new senses in me I never even knew existed. It feels just as good as the first time, if not better.

"Ah... fuck fuck fuck fuck!" I whisper as I feel release coming, closer and closer. Then it just stops. I look up and see him getting dressed, his briefs almost popping off of him with the strain.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" I yell and he hushes me. "Dude!" I whisper fiercely "not cool!" He pulls his shoes on and before leaving he puts his lips to my ear and whispers gently.

"You'll get the rest if you go to school." He turns around, giving me a sly grin before he leaves, knowing well that there was no way I wasn't going to school now.

"God dammit!" I groan, getting out from the warmth of his bed to pull on my stuff. Fucking tease.

...

I kept on stealing awkward glances at his mom over breakfast, trying desperately to see what she was thinking. It had been two days now so it was only a matter of time before she started to ask questions as to why I seemed to be living here now. But she just carried on as normal and fixed us up some mean pancakes, the really thin ones that I love. What what it the French calls them? Creeps susie?

It was Stan that took hold of my hand as we walked. "I know you're scared dude, don't be."

"Yeah" I snort "that's easy for you to say, you aren't the one who totally fucked everyone over in the space of five minutes."

"True" he sighed "but you've been friends with everyone for so long, they're bound to forgive you if you apologize. Your true friends stick by you no matter what" he squeezes my hand in his.

"Yeah, I'll just apologize then just steer clear of them for a while, just to let things simmer."

"Right, and I'll talk to them afterward and explain what's going on with you at home and all"

I smiled. This was exactly how I wanted things to be between us; still friends just as before but now lovers as well. Lovers and friends. I wondered how we would go about telling the school about us.

"So when do we tell everyone about us?" I asked.

"What do you mean?" Stan said, slowing down.

"I mean, you know, _us_?"

"Whoa whoa whoa, slow down there!" He said coming to a halt "why would you want to tell anybody?"

"Because... I love you..?" I falter.

"We say _nothing _about us, do you hear me Kyle?" He clasped my shoulders and shook me, his eyes full of fear. "Not a word to anyone, you have to promise me Kyle. Promise!"

I open my mouth to talk but I find nothing is able to come out. I kind of expected this in the beginning but it still hurt, knowing that I love him so much but I can't show it in public.

"I promise" I manage to force out, crestfallen. I would just wait for him to be ready, hopefully it would be soon.

He lets go of my hand as we turn the corner to school. Cartman and Butters were coming from the other direction and they saw us.

"Well fuck my ass, look who we have here! The dumped birthday boy and his alcoholic Jew" I said nothing.

"Cartman, really, I am in no mood for your shit today so kindly fuck off."

"What, you're English too now is it?" He says, repeating Stan's words in an overly posh accent.

"Nope" Stan replied simply "I've got too much shit going on to even listen to you so let's just go to school already?" We walked on, Cartman occasionally spouting some more 'posh talk' but Stan paid no heed. Nor did I, I had much MUCH bigger things to deal with other than fatass today.

We walk in and I scan the area for Craig, he would be the first one to apologize to, working in order from who I offended most to who I just irritated that night with my behavior. Instead I see Token, the next person I would go to, at his locker.

"Hey" I say walking over to him. He doesn't respond. "Dude, I don't even know where to begin-"

"What do you want?" He snaps.

"I, I just wanted to say how sorry I was for Friday night" he continues to remain focused on his locker and books. "You know what I did, I know what I did and the drink doesn't change anything."

He seems to have finished what he was originally doing, he puts books back into his locker and takes them out again. Still, I go on.

"I am not a racist person, Token, I-" he stands up and slams his locker door shut.

"Well the shit you said back then sounded quite different motherfucker!" he hisses.

"I know, I know" I sigh "I know this seems like a shitty excuse and all but I've been going through a lot lately at home. I guess that's why I wanted to drink myself stupid and why I was so angry at everything. I get racist shit said to me nearly every day by fatass so I know what it's like. I'm sorry."

I wait as he closes up his bag and slings it over his shoulder. The weight of all the books slightly drags him down.

'Whatever man, we're cool" he sighs to my relief. "Just, if you have shit going on don't take it out on the rest of us, you know?"

"Yeah, totally. It'll never happen again I promise" I say holding out my hand and he shakes it. That was a lot easier and went a lot smoother than I had expected it to be. One down, four more to go. Hopefully they would go as well as this time.

...

I had good results with Clyde who just waved it off and with Butters who hugged me, sobbing in the middle of the class before our Chemistry teacher Mr White came in. It took him a while to silence the class from all the laughing and the shouts of "fag!" and "gay!" but in the end I had just laughed it off myself so all was good now. Just the big two were left; Craig and Tweek.

I spent practically all day searching for Tweek but I eventually found him emerging from a crowd of older guys and my heart stopped. They had covered him in a range of makeup and lipstick and written on his forehead in a black sharpie "FAG"

"Hey Kyle" he said miserably, fighting back tears.

"Oh God Tweek, I-"

"Forget it, I'm ok I've had this done to me already" he said. I felt like shit. I had done this. ME. This was all my fault.

"Let's get you cleaned up" I said, leading him to the bathroom and holding onto him as tears streamed through the blusher on his face.

I sat him down on one of the seats and gently wiped away everything plastered onto his face. After everything was cleared, I pushed his long blond hair down over his forehead to cover up the permanent marker which I couldn't get rid of no matter how hard I tried.

He looked up at me, his eyes red and I pulled him into a gentle embrace, desperately trying to communicate how sorry I was. Almost as if he knew, he spoke. His voice was strangely calm and he didn't stammer once.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Kyle. Stan told me about your folks kicking you out."

I let go of him and crouch down to meet him, eye-to-eye.

"That doesn't mean shit" I say "what I did to you and Craig was inexcusable."

"Yeah but you were drunk, you didn't know what you were doing. I can't believe your parents kicked you out for smoking. That's what made me more angry, you know? I mean my parents know about me and Craig and they still treat me no different."

I paused, realizing that Stan is still adamant on keeping our relationship a secret. Envy floods me like a cold drink on a hot day as I hear how Tweek's parents still love and support him. Tears sting my eyes. Why the fuck can't mine?

...

I stay with him through the class. No way was I going to just leave him here like this. I managed to talk him into calling into the nurses office and going home to rest, God knows he looks like he needs it.

At the start of our small break, I see Stan storming towards me, this indescribable look on his face, he grabs my arm and nearly yanks it off pulling me into the G block bathroom.

"What the fuck?" I ask as he kicks down the cubicle doors, seeing if anyone is in here. He can't be angry with me, I didn't tell anyone anything but he sure as hell looks it!

He turns back to me and I can really see what he is feeling now and it sure isn't anger. He slams into me and begins furiously kissing me, his hands running straight to my zipper. I respond eagerly and pull ourselves towards a cubicle. Our movements oddly resemble a waltz and we crash head-first into the nearest one. Then Stan proceeds to 'finish what he started' in his room this morning. Of course I happily return the favor. We moan and grunt into each other till it was all we could hear.

I forgot to lock the fucking cubicle door.

* * *

**So... yeah. That totally happens hehehe. Stay tuned!**


	19. Mohan

**I wouldn't normally do this but I'm throwing in an 'OC' as you would call them. It's gonna be for just this chapter and its more of an honorable cameo than anything else, I think I need to include him as the story is based on me and this boy from when we were this age.**

**Anyways, onward!**

* * *

It was the banging of the cubicle door as it shut and the sound of running footsteps that brought us out of our sexual trance and into red alert. I quickly pull Stan away from my crotch and pull up my jeans, Stan follows suit nearly falling over in the process. We both take one look at each other before taking off out of the bathroom after the unknown spectator.

"Shit, shit, shit!" I hear Stan mutter to himself as we leave, the throngs of students making their way out of class to the cafeteria, we sway and dodge as best we can.

"There!" I shout, pointing over to a light blue hoodie, darting round a corner; the only one running.

We turn the corner and I can see a clearer view of him. He wore a pair of light brown chinos and a baby blue hoodie that he had pulled up. We gain on him.

"MOVE!" Stan roars, crashing through an older group of giggling girls and sending their books, loose sheets and whatever-the-fuck-else they were holding up into the air. We could hear their distant screams and protests as we turned the next corner. The guy looks over his shoulder and I catch a glimpse of his face. It was black.

"Fuck, it's Token" I pant as we carry on after him, bursting through the front doors. Then I remembered Token wasn't wearing those clothes today, so who was this kid?

After chasing him across the main field, In a spectacular leap, Stan tackles him down to the ground. They roll together a few times before coming to a gentle stop at the base of a tree. Stan pulls him up, pins him against the tree by the scruff of his hoodie and takes off the hood so we can see him properly. Nope, this wasn't Token. In fact I've never seen this boy before now and this school was fairly small, nearly all made up of kids from the elementary.

He pushes the kid up against the tree and God, he looks terrified. Like a deer caught in headlights or something to that effect.

"I didn't see anything I swear!" he pleads.

"Shut up!" Stan says angrily. The boy looked about our age, maybe a little younger. He had the same colour hair as his eyes and his skin colour wasnt black at all, maybe it was just the lighting in the school. He had a very light brown complexion and spoke with somewhat of an English accent.

"Who are you?" I ask him, noticing how his lips and nose were almost identical to shape and size, even if not in colour.

"Mo-Mohan" he stammers. "Mohan Kapoor."

Mohan Kapoor? That's Indian isn't it? His skin was a lot lot lighter than an Indian's normally would be but I hadn't heard that name from anywhere else before so it had to be from that region anyways.

"I, I didn't see anything! I swear!" He repeats teary eyed.

"Then why did you run?" I ask him, calmer than Stan who was at this stage, fuming.

"I, I..."

"Don't you fucking dare lie!" Stan hisses maliciously making the boy burst into tears.

"Ease off on him dude" I tell him, pulling his hand away from Mohan's neck. "Calm down, we're just a little upset you um... saw that... and we just want to talk." This seems to work, he wipes his eyes and sniffles before looking back up at us.

"I just went in and, I thoughts someone was getting hurt and I opened the door-"

"Shut up, we get it" I deadpan, pinching the bridge of my nose. Stan still looked fairly unsettled, clearly he was more bothered about this than I was.

"I, I wont tell anyone I swear to God!"

"You're fucking right you won't" Stan hissed "or I will find you and you will pay. BIG time." Mohan gulped. With that, Stan turned and headed off toward the school, I knew I would have to talk to him about this mess, get him to calm down. I looked down at the soppy, sniveling mess that stood before me. I could tell this guy was as green as a blade of grass, no way he'd say a word.

Still, I felt bad for him. He didn't plan to walk in on the two of us, now he was practically being assaulted for it. He did nothing wrong.

"Who are you?" I ask. "I mean, I know your name and all but I've never seen you around. Where you from?"

"I moved from England a few weeks ago" he sniffed.

"Oh, you're British are you?"

"Part English, part Indian and part Polish" he replied.

"Wow" I snort "that's like, an international cocktail"

"Yeah" he chuckles "so I've been told, dad was Indian, mother was Polish, I was born in England." There was an awkward silence before he spoke again, I decided not to elaborate or press him on how his parents _were _Indian and Polish. "I'm serious, I wont tell anyone, you know? I barely know anyone here myself so I couldn't tell anyone anything anyway."

"Yeah, I know, it's cool." I extend my hand to him, giving him a friendly smile. "I'm Kyle" he shakes it.

"My uhm, boyfriend is Stan. He's a bit of a hot head so just steer clear of him." I paused to reflect on what I had just said. It was the first time I had ever referred to Stan like that, it felt weird still but nice. Like a piece of a puzzle that wasn't meant to fit but just does and even better than anything else possibly could.

Yet for some reason, it felt wrong saying it to this stranger.

"Look" I sigh, noticing I was getting dangerously close to being late for our second chemistry of the day. That and for some reason I felt like staying with Mohan forever. "I've gotta bounce. Really dude, I'm sorry you had to see that and... thanks for being so cool about it."

"Maybe we could be friends?" Mohan smiles hopefully, his teeth astonishingly white and well-kept.

"That sounds great, I'll see you around and introduce you to the guys" I smile back at him. Then, like I'm not even doing it, I reach out to hug him. I quickly pull myself away, shocked at myself. Without a word, he smiles warmly before turning around and heading towards the main building.

Then something else happened that I can't explain. Well, two things. "I miss you" I say aloud as he walks off. I slapped my hand over mouth as soon as I said it, even though I don't think he heard me and then I noticed the next abnormality; a big fat tear splashing on the ground, followed by another then another. I was crying! I didn't know what was going on, it was like there was this other person in me that suddenly decided to just burst and get all emotional all of a sudden. It got so bad that I had to lean against the wall, as if I was unable to hold myself up anymore. I laughed at the situation in between harsh, rib-wracking sobs.

"Dammit! Pull yourself together!" I mutter aloud to myself, almost angrily. I collect myself, then go inside and look around the near-empty school hallways.

Mohan is gone.

...

The rest of the school day was spent without a word between me and Stan. To my delight, everything seemed patched up between me and everyone I had fucked over before. We spent time chatting after school as we walked home just like we used to, something I thought to be impossible this morning.

"Well aren't you going in?" asked Clyde.

"Umm no, I'm going to Stan's for a bit" I said hesitantly, looking at him for reassurance.

"Yeah" he replied plainly.

"Wow it's like you're living there or something-Ow!" said Clyde laughing, then wincing when Token hit him. They waved as they turned off down their street leaving us alone to each other.

"So..." I begin, breaking the immense tension between us but I'm cut off.

"It's ok, I know it was a total one-off accident" he says, not what I was going for but ok... "It's just..." he trails off.

"What?" I ask, almost impatiently.

"If my folks or people at school found out about us-"

"So what? I'm just going to be treated like a dirty secret is it?

"Come on, you know that's not how it is. It's just, life will be unbearable for me, you know? If my family found out that is, and I really care about them too you know?" I started to get flushed. The nerve, the fucking CHEEK of him! To talk to ME about family!

"_Well I seem to be managing just fine dick hole!" _was what I was about to say when we turned onto Stan's street but I didn't. Instead, we were greeted by a mob of spectators to flashing red/white lights and an open ambulance.

You couldn't really notice much in the vast white surroundings. Two paramedics were wheeling a stretcher into the back of it. What was being carried, that was what I could see straight away, Stan's bag slumped off from his shoulders and I knew that he could spot it a mile away too;

The black body bag.

* * *

**I love cliffhangers hehehe...**

**I plan for the next chapter to be fairly big so stick around, even if for a while, coz it'll be worth it! Thanks for the continuing support!**


End file.
